Why?

[TequilaGirl]

Why it's "ok" or "normal" to not disclose if you get cold sores but if you have them in your private area it's wrong to not disclose? I know that it's for the stigma and bla bla but wtf I mean at the end of the day it's the same virus...

 

[Findingmyself]

I had this same thought last night myself. 

[TequilaGirl]

@Findingmyself did you got a conclussion? 

[Findingmyself]

No I just think about how traumatic it was when I got this and how ferious I was at the person who gave it to me for not disclosing when he knew about it. I completely understand where you’re coming from as well. It just comes down to doing the right thing. I haven’t really been dating since my diagnosis and I don’t know if I’m going to be anytime soon. I would love to meet someone again but this is one hell of a roadblock in front of me. 

[Amando]

I think it is because most people are not educated enough on the subject,
I certainly wasn't before I got H but like most of us, once you get it, you start to learn more & more!

When I mentioned to a rejecter, that she wouldn't of treated me the way she had if I had a cold sore at some time in my life,
she replied "not quite the same, is it?"
& when I tried to explain that 50% of Genital Herpes (although HSV1 strain) was caused by oral sex, she replied "whatever" so I guess its a mixture of lack of education & the stigma

[Findingmyself]

It makes me afraid to try and meet someone again. Are we all going to end up alone? 

[TequilaGirl]

@Findingmyself I feel the exact same way... 😭 I broke up with the person who gave me this and honestly I have ups and downs thinking if I can meet someone who accept and love me in the future. I hurt myself because I search on google if people would date someone with H and a lot of people wouldn't and then I think of all the people in here who tells their successfull stories about finding true love but idk... i think i'm gonna end up alone too...

[TequilaGirl]

It sucks so bad!

[Amando]

@TequilaGirl & @Findingmyself

The only way you will be alone is if you chose to be!

If you put yourself out there & date, there are many beautiful people who will accept you the way you are,
trust me! 😉

[TequilaGirl]

20 hours ago, Amando said:

@TequilaGirl & @Findingmyself

The only way you will be alone is if you chose to be!

If you put yourself out there & date, there are many beautiful people who will accept you the way you are,
trust me! 😉

Really it's possible to form a loving family with someone who doesn't have H or we should be exclusively date H+? Where I live it's very stigmatized any std's and i feel like there's no chance to find a person 😔

[vihsv1]

@TequilaGirl honestly, I started seeing my now boyfriend DURING my first outbreak. I was single and online dating for the first time in my life, burdened by some irresponsible and shady asshole (I suspect, at least) and diagnosed. I was feeling absolutely horrible about myself but was torn between feeling sorry for myself or just trying to move on with my life. So heck, I went on a date. A few weeks later, events turned into a situation where I felt it was necessary to disclose my diagnosis. It was tough. I cried, a lot, I felt so gross and had so much guilt. He was confused, and had a lot of questions. But he kept hanging out with me. Now, only a few months later, he calls me his girlfriend, and we have regular (protected) sex. To my surprise, he seems to worry FAR leas about my condition than I do. 

I realized that I was judging myself more than he ever would. There is hope for us!! Try not to be so hard on yourself. Live freely, but take the necessary precautions of course. 

[TequilaGirl]

@vihsv1 Oh that's amazing! I hope I can find an amazing loving man like that in the future! Quick questions! (If you don't mind) Your boyfriend it's H-? And how did you disclosed? Bc I read  crying and so its a no no 🤔

[vihsv1]

@TequilaGirl yeah he is H- (as far as we know). He got the blood test a few weeks ago but it still could be too soon to get an accurate reading?? (I’m not 100% on the details of all that) 

I disclosed after two bottles of wine and things were progressing (as they do) and pumped the brakes and straight up told him. “Look, this is all new to me and it’s really hard for me to find the words to tell you because I’m all honesty I’m just coming to terms with it myself, BUT, I recently got diagnosed with herpes.” 

On the topic of crying, well.... I blame (first) the wine, then I truly think it was a shock to my system saying it for the first time to a potential partner, as well as overcoming the shame and stigma I had in MY OWN MIND about herpes. That was huge. He was...obviously a little taken aback by all the dramatics of my epic reveal. But immediately turned it around and brought me off my ledge. He had questions, and due to the weeks of intensive research, I had most of the answers. I stayed at his house that night thinking in the morning he’d be totally grossed out by me and ship me off back home and never speak to me again. But he proved me wrong and I couldn’t be happier about it. 

My first outbreak lasted over a month. The “rash” itself didn’t last the whole time but I also had other symptoms to deal with that kept me super stressed out and paranoid and all that so he and I didn’t have sex until after asking to make it official. That’s the part that blew my mind. That someone who had NEVER EVEN SEEN ME FULLY NAKED AND KNEW I HAD THIS VIRUS still wanted me to be his girl. 

That played a huge role in my path to acceptance of this god-forbidden virus. You’re just as badass and wonderful as you were before. I know I got incredibly lucky meeting this guy, and I dodged many a bullet by meeting him quickly after diagnosis and not having to filter through the assholes (we all know they’re out there) that would write me off at the first mentioning of herpes. HOWEVER! As most people will tell you, if someone kicks you to the curb over you being INFORMED AND RESPONSIBLE about your condition, then seriously... you’re better off without that jerk anyways. 

[TequilaGirl]

@vihsv1 oh god! Knowing your history you gave me hope so thank you so much! ♥️ last question... are you on suppresive therapy? Do you have frequent recurrences? Again, thank you so much ♥️♥️♥️

[vihsv1]

I am currently on Valtrex, yes. 500mg/day but going to talk to my doctor about lessening my dose. I feel it is a responsible choice to be on the suppressants in order to protect my partner. 

[sweetlove884]

Cold sores definitely need to be disclosed as well. Protection should be used for oral sex and I feel there should be no kissing a person that is negative for the virus. 

I know everything says kissing is ok without a sore. I say BULLSHIT, because I gave my partner genital herpes through oral sex WITHOUT A SORE.

[vihsv1]

@sweetlove884 that’s one of the hurdles I’m trying to jump right now. I love to give oral, and the one time I tried to do it with a condom my partner said there’s “no point” as he can’t feel it. Now, I am the one with HSV1, HOWEVER. I am not 100% sure on whether or not I have it in my mouth or just on the ladybits. I have no idea how to be tested for it orally as I am no longer having outbreaks of any kind. I had captain symptoms orally along with my first outbreak but my doctor told me they were most likely stress related rather than herpes related. Kind of at a roadblock because I really want to do the thing but am very paranoid. 

[sweetlove884]

Vihsv1

On 12/28/2018 at 8:30 AM, vihsv1 said:

@sweetlove884 that’s one of the hurdles I’m trying to jump right now. I love to give oral, and the one time I tried to do it with a condom my partner said there’s “no point” as he can’t feel it. Now, I am the one with HSV1, HOWEVER. I am not 100% sure on whether or not I have it in my mouth or just on the ladybits. I have no idea how to be tested for it orally as I am no longer having outbreaks of any kind. I had captain symptoms orally along with my first outbreak but my doctor told me they were most likely stress related rather than herpes related. Kind of at a roadblock because I really want to do the thing but am very paranoid. 

I'm sorry for the late response. I honestly don't know how to tell if you will ever have oral sores. I can only say, I have both 1 and 2, and even though I've never had a genital outbreak I do consider my vagina "contagious.".   Yes, it sucks. 

I personally, if I were in your situation, would also consider my mouth "contagious.".