Finally Had 'The Herpes Talk'

[Kj32005]

It's been awhile since I've posted. I've been dating a guy for about 7 months (semi long distance, I.e., 2.5 hrs away).

 

My secret has been ripping me apart inside and I kept thinking, "He's going to walk away from this relationship if I tell him."

 

After reading helpful posts on this website, I practiced the conversation out loud over and over again. When he told me he would come visit me Sunday, I told myself, "I have to do this I have to tell him."

 

We had lunch, laughed, I took him to the beach (with very little people) and told him I wanted to talk to him about something.

 

I started off in a cheerful, caring mood telling him I appreciated him and told him why. Then I choked up, which got him concerned. He hugged me and asked what was wrong. I said, "It turns out that I have... I'm..."

 

I couldn't do it. I got emotional. He thought I was pregnant because we've had sex. (I did not have any symptoms).

 

Then I started again... and he said the word 'Herpes' for me. All I could do was shake my head and then bury it into his chest ( no I didn't cry but I was so close).

 

Then he blew me away when he said, "Oh baby I'm so sorry. We'll deal with it. I'm here for you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this."

 

Wow!

 

Then he started asking questions about herpes, and I answered. He didn't know how common it was. He didn't know there were two types. He asked if I had any symptoms when we had sex and I said no. Then he cheered me up.

 

I asked him to take time to think about if this is really where he wanted to stay- with me, since now I will find it really hard to have protected sex with him because of fear. He said he didn't want to take any time and that he was here for me.

 

I was sooooo relieved, & thankful- thankful for him; thankful that he didn't judge me; thankful that he was supportive; thankful that he said he wasn't going anywhere; thankful that he sent me a 'Good morning' text today; and thankful for a website like this created for people out there like me to get advice and help when it comes to dealing with herpes.

 

He's getting tested this week.

[ToastedCoconut]

I can tell you, in my nearly 20 years of having HSV2 (I was nineteen when I got it), that 98 percent of the men I've told have handled the news maturely, some even sweetly. I can usually predict how someone will react after getting to know them for a bit. My feeling is, if they can't accept it, they can't accept me and I don't want anyone in my life for whom it's an issue. I generally date men much older than myself, too, so I'm not sure how younger men react. Probably not as good, I would think.

Sounds like you had a great experience with this. My days of stressing out over telling someone have gotten SO much better. Stress equals an outbreak and who wants that? I generally tell men very early on, so as not to spend too much time thinking about it. Good luck always in the future.

[Kj32005]

Thanks! The guy I'm dating is 38 & he took the news extremely well. I'm just happy that he (some men) doesn't think sex is what makes a relationship. There's so much more involved.