Lost my shot at happiness

[newtothis22]

Six months ago I had the best life, living in London with loads of friends and big on the dating scene. I was seeing someone who was shortly leaving so that relationship was fizzling out and at a party I met someone else. We instantly clicked and I felt a massive connection so we began seeing each other until my fixed term job contract came to an end and I had to move away. But we stayed in touch and met up since we were waiting until September when we'd be living closer again. Between this time I developed possible herpes symptoms so I told both her and the girl I was seeing before, they both got checked and the girl from before was told she may have herpes. She had a blood test which came back indeterminate but was told this showed recent exposure which could only be from me. However when I was checked they told me the symptoms weren't herpes and wouldn't do a blood test. I still felt that if she eventually comes back positive then it must be me so I am an asymptomatic carrier.

I had to tell the current girl I was seeing and she was understanding until I was forced to admit there was a slight overlap in dating between both girls. I didn't meant for it to happen but it's just the way it was and after explaining she did forgive me and understand. But I was going through a hard time with other things too and eventually she put an end to things. Looking back at the messages I don't think she wanted things to end and I should've fought harder for her but with everything going on I just let her go.

After a terrible month of feeling like I'd lost everything and had no future, the first girl's latest blood test came back negative. She told me the first test must've been in error so I had no reason to believe I carried the virus. Around the same time the girl I lost sent me a friendly message to see how I am and at this point I should've won her back. But instead I was so pleased to be clean and was heading to University soon I decided to leave it for the time being. When I got to University I went out a lot, posted a lot over social media with other girls and got back on the dating scene. Then one night I got really drunk and slept with someone unprotected, a few days later symptoms appeared, white heads, rashes and general irritation. I went to the clinic the following week and they found a genital wart, I was devastated. I now have to live with HPV and probably herpes with the sex triggering an outbreak since I've had pretty much every symptom minus actual blisters. I will do a blood test in the new year and find out for certain. 

I feel that I've lost my shot of happiness all because I wanted to carry on the casual lifestyle that I didn't even enjoy. I had my second chance in September and I blew it so now I'm facing the reality of living with two incurable STI's. I'm only 22 yet I've lost the only girl I've ever felt a proper connection with and I can't see anyone ever wanting to be with me again. I'm not looking forward to 2019 because all I feel that is ahead is pain, when girls show an interest all I can do is turn them away because I'm too ashamed to tell them and I can't see that changing. 

Sorry for the long winded message but I would appreciate having someone to talk to so feel free to message me or post a reply. 

[antifragile]

HPV and HSV-1 positive here. Your story sounds a lot like mine 6 years ago. I was loving the casual dating life and very happy with many aspects of my life.

After I contracted these I took it really hard and thought I could never tell anyone. The shame was just too overwhelming.

It took me a year and a half before I told a girl I started seeing. She didn't accept it but I did tell her which made it easier to tell the next girl I started seeing. Casual dating does become more difficult with this situation but suprisingly few care if it's a more serious thing. I'm in a longterm relationship nowadays.

I've noticed that hsv isn' really the biggest problem here. It's the shame that you feel about it. I went through a long depressive period from which I'm still recovering. HSV will not destroy your happiness but shame can. When you feel deep shame for a long period of time it will start to affect your mental well being. Feeling shame is also one of the most stressfull things to your body as it keeps up your cortisol levels. This will start slowly eating away your physical health.

That's what happened to me and I was really burnt out a year ago. I'm better now but I didn't get better until I started really dealing with the shame I felt.

I know it's difficult, almost impossible, to open up about this in the beginning. But you really should. You need to deal with shame head on otherwise it will eat you up and it can really destroy your life. It almost did for me. If you can't talk about this to a friend, talk to a psychologist.

I know this wasn't the most uplifting post but it's something I wish I was told years ago. I lost five years of my life to shame because I was too afraid to deal with it. I hope you can learn from my mistakes.

Time doesn't heal all wounds. Sometimes you need face your fears and grow to go forward. That's how it was for me. 

I hope it's easier for you.

af

[alllgood]

On 12/24/2018 at 10:43 AM, newtothis22 said:

Six months ago I had the best life, living in London with loads of friends and big on the dating scene. I was seeing someone who was shortly leaving so that relationship was fizzling out and at a party I met someone else. We instantly clicked and I felt a massive connection so we began seeing each other until my fixed term job contract came to an end and I had to move away. But we stayed in touch and met up since we were waiting until September when we'd be living closer again. Between this time I developed possible herpes symptoms so I told both her and the girl I was seeing before, they both got checked and the girl from before was told she may have herpes. She had a blood test which came back indeterminate but was told this showed recent exposure which could only be from me. However when I was checked they told me the symptoms weren't herpes and wouldn't do a blood test. I still felt that if she eventually comes back positive then it must be me so I am an asymptomatic carrier.

I had to tell the current girl I was seeing and she was understanding until I was forced to admit there was a slight overlap in dating between both girls. I didn't meant for it to happen but it's just the way it was and after explaining she did forgive me and understand. But I was going through a hard time with other things too and eventually she put an end to things. Looking back at the messages I don't think she wanted things to end and I should've fought harder for her but with everything going on I just let her go.

After a terrible month of feeling like I'd lost everything and had no future, the first girl's latest blood test came back negative. She told me the first test must've been in error so I had no reason to believe I carried the virus. Around the same time the girl I lost sent me a friendly message to see how I am and at this point I should've won her back. But instead I was so pleased to be clean and was heading to University soon I decided to leave it for the time being. When I got to University I went out a lot, posted a lot over social media with other girls and got back on the dating scene. Then one night I got really drunk and slept with someone unprotected, a few days later symptoms appeared, white heads, rashes and general irritation. I went to the clinic the following week and they found a genital wart, I was devastated. I now have to live with HPV and probably herpes with the sex triggering an outbreak since I've had pretty much every symptom minus actual blisters. I will do a blood test in the new year and find out for certain. 

I feel that I've lost my shot of happiness all because I wanted to carry on the casual lifestyle that I didn't even enjoy. I had my second chance in September and I blew it so now I'm facing the reality of living with two incurable STI's. I'm only 22 yet I've lost the only girl I've ever felt a proper connection with and I can't see anyone ever wanting to be with me again. I'm not looking forward to 2019 because all I feel that is ahead is pain, when girls show an interest all I can do is turn them away because I'm too ashamed to tell them and I can't see that changing. 

Sorry for the long winded message but I would appreciate having someone to talk to so feel free to message me or post a reply. 

Im 21 in college and experienced a similar situation. I got my diagnosis around 8-9 months ago and I still am struggling with the shame, depression, and denial of it. I'll find myself as happpy as ever until I encounter a guy I have a crush on or a situation where I would usually pursue something with a guy and I just completely shut down. I've found myself even avoiding guys I've been into for years and couldnt be with due to past relationships. I feel like no one is ever going to accept it, or if they do, they're going to think about that every time we have sex which is so unappealing. Idk what to do

[alllgood]

On 12/29/2018 at 2:22 AM, antifragile said:

HPV and HSV-1 positive here. Your story sounds a lot like mine 6 years ago. I was loving the casual dating life and very happy with many aspects of my life.

After I contracted these I took it really hard and thought I could never tell anyone. The shame was just too overwhelming.

It took me a year and a half before I told a girl I started seeing. She didn't accept it but I did tell her which made it easier to tell the next girl I started seeing. Casual dating does become more difficult with this situation but suprisingly few care if it's a more serious thing. I'm in a longterm relationship nowadays.

I've noticed that hsv isn' really the biggest problem here. It's the shame that you feel about it. I went through a long depressive period from which I'm still recovering. HSV will not destroy your happiness but shame can. When you feel deep shame for a long period of time it will start to affect your mental well being. Feeling shame is also one of the most stressfull things to your body as it keeps up your cortisol levels. This will start slowly eating away your physical health.

That's what happened to me and I was really burnt out a year ago. I'm better now but I didn't get better until I started really dealing with the shame I felt.

I know it's difficult, almost impossible, to open up about this in the beginning. But you really should. You need to deal with shame head on otherwise it will eat you up and it can really destroy your life. It almost did for me. If you can't talk about this to a friend, talk to a psychologist.

I know this wasn't the most uplifting post but it's something I wish I was told years ago. I lost five years of my life to shame because I was too afraid to deal with it. I hope you can learn from my mistakes.

Time doesn't heal all wounds. Sometimes you need face your fears and grow to go forward. That's how it was for me. 

I hope it's easier for you.

af

Thanks for this... I need to figure out how to get ahold of the shame an depression thats eating away at me. Hopefully I can sooner than later. 

[newtothis22]

@alllgood

Feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to 😊

[kentucky85]

I’m 33..8 years hsv and 5 years hpv. Currently in an hpv recurrence..struggling emotionally and in a deteriorating relationship due to differences in we like..