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Looking for hope

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Recently was diagnosed with ghsv transmitted from a sexual assult. This entire thing has brought me to such a low place. All I have ever wanted was to be a wife, have kids, and enjoy being a family. As much as I have found a little bit of hope here reading other people's journeys, everyone continually says that it's possible to have a full happy life, right now I feel like I have no purpose. When does it get better? How do you get someone to care for you so much that they can look past this? So lost. So hopeless. Looking for anything to make me believe in happiness again. 

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As I say to everyone here, I am so sorry you found yourself on this site. All the feelings must be amplified by the fact that the HSV transmission came from a sexual assault. Words can not express how sorry I am, and though my words will bring little comfort, I really do wish that you can find peace and that justice finds that monster.

With all that said, I'm glad you found yourself here on this forum. Life certainly has a way of kicking us while we're down; ensuring that we remain on a roller coaster of events and never quite letting us find the level ground that we seek. In my 30 years of life on this Earth, I have experienced more heartache than I ever have joy. And yet as the A-Ha's once said in their One-Hit-Wonder "Take On me", I'm slowly learning that life is okay. (They have a terrific unplugged MTV version that you can find on youtube that I think is worth a watch).

But if I leave you with nothing else, remember this, nothing is over. You're a person that deserves to be loved, held and cared for. Nothing about this virus, or the events surrounding it, can take that from you. I won't lie to you, yes, this does present some new challenges to us, but it's far, far, far from impossible. You can still be a wife, have kids and enjoy a family. And with everything you've experience so far, I am certain you would make a great mother.

This will take some time to understand, as most things do, but I promise you that one day, you will see that none of this defines who you are as a person. Take as much time as you need to feel your feelings and work things out in your head. I and most everyone on this site, will be here if you need us. I''m on this site nearly everyday, so please feel free to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to.

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Thank you for the reply. I am truely hoping that joining this will give me some comfort. As my doctor said I am reacting like someone who has just lost a family member reacts and that this isn't a big deal and turned around and recommend some anti-anxiety medication. When in reality I do feel like I lost a family member, and that family member is me or my life goals specifically. I don't know how I'll ever be at peace with this stigma. I know I can handle it as apart of me, but how is anyone else going to accept it and still want to be with me? Is there ever a day I'm going to stop crying? I just turned 31 and feel like my time is running out already for what I want in life, and now I feel like this diagnosis just flat out stole everything from me. 

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Hello @Lovenhope

You're absolutely right; what you're experiencing is grief, regardless of what the source is. As humans, we are creatures of habit, and major changes in our lives can certainly cause some havoc on our psyche.

I'm sorry to hear that your doctor is so insensitive about your situation. They'll probably still collect a paycheck, drive away in their Audi, go home to pay off the bare minimum interest payment on their student loans while sitting in a half-empty house eating Lucky Charms for dinner. It angers me so much that medical "professionals" can be so uneducated about situations that they're supposed to be experts in and honestly should have no business interacting with other human beings.

Unfortunately I can not tell you when you will begin to feel better. I can tell you that HSV is not a deal breaker for everyone. There will still be someone out there that is more than willing to love you for you. However, I don't think you should worry about all that right now. Take some time to focus on YOU. I was raised by an old school father and I can tell you that I have broken down crying on my way to and from work. It's a bit sad for me to admit, that me, as a grown man, have been on my knees in the shower balling my eyes out. But screw it, I am who I am and I feel what I feel. If you need to cry, then go for it.

Take the time to get yourself back on track and everything else will fall back into place. Until then, feel what you need to feel.

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