this has taken a toll on me.. when will I get over it

[Loyalloulou]

it's one of those nights.. I contemplate about killing myself. I get sick to my stomach knowing that I have something that won't go away. I get depressed paranoid bc I think it'll lead to something else or I will pass it on to a kid. I just shut down completely when I come on contact with a kid. I be so mean but that's only bc I want to protect them. my relationship with my bf haven't changed. I'm guessing. he cheated on me but I'm the one was punished with hsv1. he okay he still want to move on have kids even unprotected sex but I feel like a monster. what if I give it to him? he said he didn't care and he still loves me and what yo be with me.. Is it bc he cheated on me and feel bad..I  try to dodge having sex idk when I'm having am outbreak or not. I feel like it will lead to hiv/aids or me giving to someone I love but I'll break me even more if I gave it to a kid.. sorry  to be all over the place. it's just one of those nights 

[Taylee Rose]

I’m hoping someone answers this because I’m also having one of those nights 

[Carmensandiego]

Hey you! Are you feeling better?

[Loyalloulou]

@Carmensandiego I  get depressed and paranoid when I have contact with a kid. I fear that I will pass it on to an innocent child. I recently had a cold sore/blister more like a pimple on my lip and I totally forgot about it.  I made a mistake and kind of  put my lips on my one-year old nephew. the side of the my lip wasn't infected. then we were on vacation and I stayed inside the resort all day bc of it. he started wit a rash all over his body but it started  way before i even did that but I'm freaking out bc I think it's my fault!!!

[Loyalloulou]

2 hours ago, Carmensandiego said:

Hey you! Are you feeling better?

@Carmensandiego I  get depressed and paranoid when I have contact with a kid. I fear that I will pass it on to an innocent child. I recently had a cold sore/blister more like a pimple on my lip and I totally forgot about it.  I made a mistake and kind of  put my lips on my one-year old nephew. the side of the my lip wasn't infected. then we were on vacation and I stayed inside the resort all day bc of it. he started wit a rash all over his body but it started  way before i even did that but I'm freaking out bc I think it's my fault!!!

[antifragile]

For me it didn't ger better until I adressed the feelings of shame and fears beneath it. Talk openly to a friend or psychologist.

[Findingmyself]

I was diagnosed with this in late September. I had a mix of emotions and grief. I have decided that I have had enough of being depressed and I’m moving on with my life. I haven’t really dated much since then. I would like to meet someone this year, yet I’m also going to focus on improving myself. I’m working on me. I’m going to improve my overall health, by eating better and going to the gym. I’m going to improve my finances. I’m going to try and become the best version of myself and not continue to let this define me. I have been looking stats up on the internet for months about it to try and find some sense of validation in being someone who has it now. 1 out of 5 women have this. That’s a whole hell of a lot of us! 1 out of around 7 men have it! Most of us have it. Another thing that I found interesting was that they predict that 80% of the population of us will have HPV also at some point in our lives without a vaccine. HPV is more pro dominate. Perhaps we all have something.   Sex is scary and it really does come with risks. If someone judges me for having HSV, the chances that they have it or HPV or extremely high. There are a mix of statistics out there but the one that I trust the most is the CDC. Going in to the new year, I feel that this gives me hope and I will no longer beat myself up for having sex with someone who gave me this. At times I feel isolated and alone. The truth is, most of us have it too. So many people who have this, don’t even know. Hey, if we are all walking around with something, I wouldn’t of ever wanted this to be my something, but if I’m so lucky to not get cancer or HIV then I’m grateful. It’s not the best circumstance, but it can really be way worse. Happy new year everyone! I wish us all great health and I hope that we all find happiness.