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unbreakable

I am not complete

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It’s been almost 2 years since I got diagnosed but I’m still not recovered mentally. One of my most important body parts is ruined. I do everything to avoid outbreaks but discomfort still lingers almost always. The part of me that is supposed to bring me pleasure is only making me annoyed and hopeless. As a woman I used to see it as kind of a sacred place, that’s hidden and is complex and it’s a great experience to share it with someone I let in. Now it’s dangerous for others’ health if I were to get intimate with anyone... I feel like I’ve lost a part of me mentally/spiritually. I’m only 22. I have only ever had 5 encounters before I caught the virus from someone who knew he had it, and they all were almost-consensual one night stands. I had yet to really desire someone. I was never irresponsible. This one guy took me home after an anything but successful date and I was so sad and afraid and maybe hoping for a better end to the night than the rest of it was that I let him. We used a condom but “that was the last one he had” and while I was tired and trying to sleep I “agreed” to do it without one the second time. 

Is my life over forever or? I really have no idea. 

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 Hi unbreakable

You are 22 & I can tell you with absolutely no doubt at all, your life is far from over!

Yes you have been dealt a cruel hand of fate but it is things like this that can make us stronger & the people
we then become & you have got a lot of living left to do yet.

Being young probably makes its even harder to deal with mentally but it will get easier.
Maybe you could get some counselling to help you or having someone close to talk to also helps a lot.

I like your analyse of a sacred place, it is not ruined at all, a little compromised maybe but again it will get easier with time.

Keep your chin up, you will get there, Big Hugs 😊
 

 

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