Diagnosed yesterday... I feel numb

[Livinglife2019]

I just got the call yesterday that I have HSV2. The nurse nonchalantly said it like this isn’t something I have to live with forever. I left work early yesterday and didn’t go in today. I haven’t eaten or slept since the call. I feel disgusted and disappointed. I want to talk to my best friends or a co worker but I honestly don’t want anyone to know. The fact the I don’t know how I got it or when makes it worse. I’ve never had a outbreak and I’m beyond scared for when the first one happens. I just feel different. Like I’m not me anymore. I can’t look at pictures I just took days prior because it’s hurts that I’ll never be that happy again. I want to talk to my mom but she isn’t someone that receives this kind of information well. I don’t know how any man is going to want to be with me after I tell him. I don’t want to live my life with this disease. I’m 23 and I thought my life was going great. This is the worst way to start out the New Year. How can I cope with this? Any advice on how to live a productive life... or anything. I just feel so alone.

[Lost4ever43]

Although I don’t have any great advice for you , I can say that you’re not alone and everything you’re feeling in normal.  I don’t have anyone I feel comfortable telling in my life either .  I’ve found this community to be very supportive and have been in constant contact with a couple of members who have helped me through the tough moments.  I know how it feels to have everything going great and then something like this makes you question if things will ever be normal or good again .  I’ve been told it takes a lot of time and self care.  Just keep reaching out to people on here , it’s really helped me .  I’m sorry you’re going through this.  

[seeker]

When I was diagnosed I thought it was the end of the world. I shouted at the walls, hit them a few times and cried. Now I cant even remember the month let alone that particular day. Its been 5/6 years since i caught GHSV2 ( i had it a year before diagnosis). the only reason I know its 5/6 years is I have been in this apartment 5 years and I received my diagnosis here. Even better it was in an email late in the evening. So yes it will get better!  Hey, at least your not a man in his 50s! ( I am so I can make that joke). trust me, men will still want to be with you, not the immature DBs you wouldn't have wanted anyway but decent guys will.

[Amando]

Hi Livinglife2019

Firstly I'm so sorry you contracted HSV

It seems very common that people feel disgusted with themselves but this is very wrong,
You have done nothing wrong, shit happens in life!

Let me assure you that all your emotions are the norm, after being diagnosed.

Guess what? you will laugh & smile again, you may not think so now but you will, that I sincerely promise you.
You are also still the fantastic person you were before you got this, nothings changed there.

It will take time & sadly some pain but you will get to a happy place again & realise that living with HSV
is far from the end of the world.

This site is full of incredible people, that will give you tonnes of support & answer your questions so
use it as much as you need to get through the bad times.

Big Hugs!

[nobody555]

I know exactly how you feel. I was diagnosed over a year ago and I was right where you were. I was also 23 but I had constant outbreaks. I dont think I went more than 3 days without a OB. I had to go on a super high dose of medication. Ive learned to live with this disease and I even found the love of my life! I actually just disclosed to him last night and it went better than I expected. It is possible to be happy again I promise you that. I read all these posts when I was first diagnosed and did not believe I would ever be accepted or even loved ever again, but thats just not true. You have done nothing wrong and you are worthy of any life you desire. Here if you need to message me personally (:  Please remember you are not alone.

[Lstgryl]

I was also recently diagnosed. Only two people know but I’m so scared to go on. I feel like I won’t make it to 2020. I have nothing to look forward to. So why should I prolong a life of pain and being alone. I told my mama that I no longer want to live and she keeps telling me to think about my family. But I think it’s selfish for her to ask me to live in agony everyday. The only thing I look forward to daily is sleep. So why not sleep forever 

[Amando]

@Lstgryl Please don't think like that 😓

It will get better & you will be able to have a normal happy life, just give it more time.

& just so you know, I would be suicidal if one of my children left the earth before me.
Because if you think having HSV is bad, I can think of nothing worse in the world than losing your child,
just the thought of it destroys me!

Seek counseling, it will help.

Big Hugs!

[kentucky85]

Please don’t give up, I know it’s rough, I’ve been living with it 8 years and then 5 years ago was diagnosed with hpv. It will get easier.

[Lstgryl]

I appreciate your kind words. The rational part of me knows it won’t physically kill me. It’s the mental anguish. I’ve only had 1 partner in the past 6 years and he just tested negative. He no longer wants to be with me.  He said that he can’t play Russian roulette. I’ve also seen people expose others on social media for having Herpes. I can’t see myself ever disclosing this. My community is not accepting. I see my peers getting married and starting families and it hurts that my chances are slim to none. 

[kentucky85]

I live in an area that it is difficult to be open about it, so I understand wanting to keep it private. There are people that will accept you, I’ve had 2 long term partners. You may just have to look outside your area. Be brave. 

[Livinglife2019]

Thank you everyone... so much... you won’t believe how these comments make me feel. I’m so thankful that I can talk to you all about it. It makes me not feel so alone.

[Livinglife2019]

1 hour ago, kentucky85 said:

I live in an area that it is difficult to be open about it, so I understand wanting to keep it private. There are people that will accept you, I’ve had 2 long term partners. You may just have to look outside your area. Be brave. 

When you talk to your partners about it, how do you go about it? This is the part that has me the most afraid. 

[Livinglife2019]

1 hour ago, Lstgryl said:

I appreciate your kind words. The rational part of me knows it won’t physically kill me. It’s the mental anguish. I’ve only had 1 partner in the past 6 years and he just tested negative. He no longer wants to be with me.  He said that he can’t play Russian roulette. I’ve also seen people expose others on social media for having Herpes. I can’t see myself ever disclosing this. My community is not accepting. I see my peers getting married and starting families and it hurts that my chances are slim to none. 

Hey, I know exactly what you feel. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell anyone. I feel like what if one day someone tries to expose me online.. that would ruin my life potentially. I’m so afraid of falling for a man and telling him about my diagnosis an he doesn’t want to be with me. I feel like sex will be different for me now and everything. 

[kentucky85]

I found it easier to just be up front and honestly they were so much calmer than I was. If I was worried or had questions, we did research together. My health provider I have now is super also and that helps. 

[Livinglife2019]

On 1/10/2019 at 5:04 PM, nobody555 said:

I know exactly how you feel. I was diagnosed over a year ago and I was right where you were. I was also 23 but I had constant outbreaks. I dont think I went more than 3 days without a OB. I had to go on a super high dose of medication. Ive learned to live with this disease and I even found the love of my life! I actually just disclosed to him last night and it went better than I expected. It is possible to be happy again I promise you that. I read all these posts when I was first diagnosed and did not believe I would ever be accepted or even loved ever again, but thats just not true. You have done nothing wrong and you are worthy of any life you desire. Here if you need to message me personally (:  Please remember you are not alone.

I would very much like to talk more. I’m gonna message you.

[Hulaganx3]

Thanks for reaching out... Yes we’ve all been through that dark place, I’m not gonna lie, there are days when it’s rough still, but believe me people will still love you. It took me two years before I told anyone, but when I started to open up about it it was truly liberating. Opening up about it is probably the hardest part of the battle but believe me each time it becomes easier and the alternative is much more painful. I was in denial about it to myself and everyone else for a couple years and eventually it consumed me and I discovered what it feels like to “come out of the closet”. Don’t stay in that closet, please. Do it in your own time, it’ll be a journey but you have people that support you through it and there’s still amazing things to look forward to. If you need someone to have a proper skype call then please reach out to me. Good luck.