Getting ready to disclose...for the first time

[IcanOvercome]

Well...

the title pretty much sums it up! I am getting ready to disclose for the first time ever! 

Feeling nervous but oddly ready for it. I guess ready to just get it over with! 

Wish me luck & I’ll be back at some point to let y’all know how it goes.

[Ishmael]

You can do it! Remember to remain confident and assertive! Also, if they need time, give it to them and give them the information you have so they can inform themselves. Tell us how it goes!

[IcanOvercome]

Debating now if I’m going to speak it or let them read it. 

If they read it then I can give them some space in the other room. 

But then that doesn’t seem very confident. 

I’m just going to feel it out and see what seems right in the moment 

[Ishmael]

Just now, IcanOvercome said:

Debating now if I’m going to speak it or let them read it. 

If they read it then I can give them some space in the other room. 

But then that doesn’t seem very confident. 

I’m just going to feel it out and see what seems right in the moment 

Read it like disclose by text? I would do it verbally and then give them the info to read and make yourself available if they have questions. There is a good hand out on this website. Also, keep in mind that they might need some processing time and some alone time before figuring this out. That said, you know you and you know this person better than anyone here, so advice is just that: advice. 

Are you dealing with HSV 1 or 2?

[IcanOvercome]

HSV2. 

Read it written out is what I meant. 

He is coming over tonight. I also have the handout printed out already. 

[OlderNotWiser]

Hope all goes well for you.  I was recently diagnosed and haven't had any need to have to disclose yet, but am scared at the idea at some point.  Thank you for sharing.

[Amando]

If you feel you need to read it out, that's fine, do it the way you feel comfortable.

I really wish you the very best of luck 🙂

[IcanOvercome]

Thank y’all!! 

So little update... I didn’t disclose lastnight. 

Turns out that the stress of telling mixed with the wine I was drinking to calm my nerves was the perfect recipe for the best sleep I’ve had in a long time! 

I passed smooth out on him! Left him up watching football. 😂 Tomorrow night is the night! Less wine & less wasting time running through what I’m going to say in my head. 

So send me good vibes tomorrow!

[IcanOvercome]

10 hours ago, OlderNotWiser said:

Hope all goes well for you.  I was recently diagnosed and haven't had any need to have to disclose yet, but am scared at the idea at some point.  Thank you for sharing.

For me, it has been a little over a year since diagnosis.

I haven’t yet had a reason to disclose either. I’ve always been scared of that idea too, but I’ve just changed my thinking. 

Using it to my advantage. If I tell him and he sticks around, then that’s a good sign to me & makes me look forward to growing with him. If he doesn’t accept it, then that saves me to trouble & time of working towards a relationship with somebody that doesn’t deserve me. 

[Ishmael]

2 hours ago, IcanOvercome said:

For me, it has been a little over a year since diagnosis.

I haven’t yet had a reason to disclose either. I’ve always been scared of that idea too, but I’ve just changed my thinking. 

Using it to my advantage. If I tell him and he sticks around, then that’s a good sign to me & makes me look forward to growing with him. If he doesn’t accept it, then that saves me to trouble & time of working towards a relationship with somebody that doesn’t deserve me. 

Very glad to hear this is your mindset going into this. This is a very healthy way to think about it. Please keep us updated whenever you feel ready and good luck!

[IcanOvercome]

Well I told him. He was cool with it & told me it doesn’t change how he feels. He told me I need to relax. Lol

His only question was can I still have kids. 

 

So my first disclosure was a success!

[Ishmael]

1 hour ago, IcanOvercome said:

Well I told him. He was cool with it & told me it doesn’t change how he feels. He told me I need to relax. Lol

His only question was can I still have kids. 

 

So my first disclosure was a success!

Yay! And I hope you told him that yes, you can still totally have kids (if that's what you want)!

[Lost4ever43]

That’s so wonderful & I’m so happy for you .  I’m hoping my guy decides to stick around... he has so far , but I’m still not 100 percent sure how he’s feeling about things ... and I’m not dealing well , so that’s not helping matters .  I wish you the best !  

[OlderNotWiser]

That is wonderful news!  I am so happy for you.  Sounds like you have a good guy, and you deserve that.

[gorgeoustechie]

Glad it worked out ! Yay! 

[IcanOvercome]

I did tell him that having kids was still possible. We were kind of awkward the rest of the night. He thought I didn’t want him in my space and I thought he was being distant. We talked about it this morning & it was just confusion. He told me everything is fine & I need to relax. 

I definitely cried tears of relief after all was said and done. He is very patient and understanding. Definitely blessed to have him in my life. Glad we can focus on us without me holding back due to fear! 

Mom happy to have a successful disclosure story! With the right person, anyone can! 

 

Thank you all!

[Iwillbeok]

Yaaaay! So happy for you! I am gonna have my first date this weekend since breaking up with my giver and  if it goes well I know my disclosure story will be following after a few dates. This gives me hope... thank you for sharing! 

[IcanOvercome]

6 minutes ago, Iwillbeok said:

Yaaaay! So happy for you! I am gonna have my first date this weekend since breaking up with my giver and  if it goes well I know my disclosure story will be following after a few dates. This gives me hope... thank you for sharing! 

Good luck!! 

[Amando]

Haha, that's great news, congratulations & well done! 

Wish you both all the best in the future!

[Lovenhope]

What did you say? Trying to plan one out for future use m. But can't ever think of how to tell someone 😕

[IcanOvercome]

58 minutes ago, Lovenhope said:

What did you say? Trying to plan one out for future use m. But can't ever think of how to tell someone 😕

Well I had a “script” typed on my phone and I just read over it again and again.

only to try not to forget anything I wanted to say out of nervousness and so I could be confident in what I was saying. 

I didn’t read it off to him & I definitely left some things I wanted to say out... but I got what I needed to say out, then we were able to talk more about it later. 

My “script”:

 

”I’m going to jump and I’m asking you to hold my hand while I fall.

You are somebody I enjoy spending time with & as much of a surprise as it is to me, I have started opening up to you. Because of that, I have something personal about me that I want to share with you. I am afraid of what you may think or that it may push you away but I am willing to risk that & put it all out there. I hope you respect that. 

Ive mentioned to you something that happened to me years ago, but there is more to know about that. 

I contracted HSV2 (one of the viruses that causes cold sores/herpes) and I'd like to know how you feel about this and also give you any time to ask questions and/or do research about it. It's just part of my life, something that is not a big deal for me, but also something that I like to be up-front and open about. This issue hasn't had a negative impact on my sex life or me physically, and I respect any choice you make.”

 

[IcanOvercome]

I also had the fact sheet printed out. Told him I was asymptomatic and that I had meds I could & would take to lessen the risk of transmission. 

I let him know how hard it was for me to tell but how important it was.

He definitely wasn’t turned away because he is making lots of plans for sexy time 😆😆😆