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Could long term parters test negative


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I had a partner for 8 months who come out of a 10 year marriage. I was his first sexual partner since his wife (who cheated on him).

8 months in and right after we slept together, I found out he had slept with someone else quite recently. He told me he had used protection which I believe because I found evidence of it. (Long story short I knew this was on the cards I told him he should maybe see other people rather than go straight into a relationship with me.) 

Later that week I had my first outbreak.

The nurse who examined me told me straight away it looked like hvs2 before I got my results confirmed. She said that if we have been having unprotected sex for 8 months prior to my first outbreak that he is also likely to have HSV2. If he hasn’t already shown physical signs his body is better at fighting the virus. What can’t be known is who passed this to who. Has only had this experience before? Has anyones Long term partner tested negative after your first outbreak?

Now please don’t judge me but I was pretty hurt and told him I was going to get tested as was in a bad way. I still haven’t told him about my positive diagnosis. I needed some time to process the info. We also work together so there was some hurt-pride, confusion and self preservation at play. I know that he hasn’t had sex with anyone else since this time because we are still very close. I am planning to disclose as he said he wants to make a commitment to me but I am really struggling to find a way that doesn’t ruin our future.

Today I went to the sexual health clinic as had facial outbreaks I believed was HSV2 (which I have now been told is just stress) 

The nurse who saw me said (or my understanding was) that you can’t catch genital herpes from someone just through skin to skin contact with blisters. That the penis would still need to be unprotected in the vagina to get the virus. Does this sound correct?

Has anyone lived the experience of long term partners testing negative after you have have had an outbreak?

I want as much information as possible before planning what to say 

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5 hours ago, Lostatsea said:

I had a partner for 8 months who come out of a 10 year marriage. I was his first sexual partner since his wife (who cheated on him).

8 months in and right after we slept together, I found out he had slept with someone else quite recently. He told me he had used protection which I believe because I found evidence of it. (Long story short I knew this was on the cards I told him he should maybe see other people rather than go straight into a relationship with me.) 

Later that week I had my first outbreak.

 

The nurse who saw me said (or my understanding was) that you can’t catch genital herpes from someone just through skin to skin contact with blisters. That the penis would still need to be unprotected in the vagina to get the virus. Does this sound correct?

Has anyone lived the experience of long term partners testing negative after you have have had an outbreak?

I want as much information as possible before planning what to say 

3

First, if you had your first outbreak about a week after sleeping with him, odds are, he gave it to you.

Second, that nurse is a twit. You can absolutely get HSV from skin-to-skin contact. This is why there is still a risk of transmission even with condom use. 

Regardless if your partner used protection when he was sleeping with someone else, he could have gotten the virus from her, or if he's been positive for a long time, he could have also given it to her. HSV can shed even if there is no active outbreak, and even if there is a condom used.

I think the partner definitely needs to be tested.

 

Third, yes, it is possible to be with a partner long-term and not spread the virus to them. Adrial (MrHopp) and his wife are an example of this. He is HSV positive, and his wife is negative. They also have a baby.

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6 hours ago, 100918 said:

First, if you had your first outbreak about a week after sleeping with him, odds are, he gave it to you.

Second, that nurse is a twit. You can absolutely get HSV from skin-to-skin contact. This is why there is still a risk of transmission even with condom use. 

Regardless if your partner used protection when he was sleeping with someone else, he could have gotten the virus from her, or if he's been positive for a long time, he could have also given it to her. HSV can shed even if there is no active outbreak, and even if there is a condom used.

I think the partner definitely needs to be tested.

 

Third, yes, it is possible to be with a partner long-term and not spread the virus to them. Adrial (MrHopp) and his wife are an example of this. He is HSV positive, and his wife is negative. They also have a baby.

Thanks for replying.

I live in the UK and the NHS will not test you for HSV until you get the blisters to swan so might need to advise him to go private.

All the points regarding my partner potentially passing to me, the other woman or contracting from her is things that go through my mind constantly. I feel now because I have left it so long to disclose I feel guilty.

Misinformation from these nurses is misleading and dangerous. I feel angry about it. Thank god for this website.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/15/2019 at 3:31 PM, Lostatsea said:

 

The nurse who saw me said (or my understanding was) that you can’t catch genital herpes from someone just through skin to skin contact with blisters. That the penis would still need to be unprotected in the vagina to get the virus. Does this sound correct?

No, this nurse is completely wrong. 

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