Jump to content
  • Need support? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum, a supportive and positive group of people to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have ... 


Herpes giver on Tinder...triggered

Recommended Posts

Sometimes i wonder if I’ll ever stop being angry at my giver. Unlike a lot of people I’m about 99% sure I know who gave me herpes. I take half the blame as I made the choice to not use a condom (even tho we did have a discussion about testing and being negative). But I am also pretty sure he knew he had herpes, and I also know he lied when I confronted him about being an escort in the past. He’s also lied about countless other things including having a gf while still trying to sleep with me. 

He just popped up on Tinder and I of course swiped left. But just today I noticed he messaged me on FB last week, I’m assuming after seeing my profile. It sickens me. It makes me feel like crap. I have so much anger at this person who I believe took away my choice and then lied to me about his history. 

I’m starting to think I need to get back into therapy as I maybe haven’t worked through as much of this as I thought I had. I’ve made so much progress toward acceptance of my circumstances, but seeing that message from him was a major trigger 

Share this post

Link to post

Hey Anna

I get how you feel. I have been in the same situation and I still have a hard time to come to terms with it. In my situation it was my ex who apparently used to love me and she did not tell me upfront. But trust me it will just take time to heal and move on but as lot of people.on this forum are positive and you will find peace

  • Like 1

Share this post

Link to post

Hi Anna

I would think its pretty normal to be angry with the person that gave you H & something like him popping up on Tinder or FB
isn't going to help.
So I don't think that means you need therapy, just means your normal 😎


Share this post

Link to post


It’s interesting how similar our stories are. I also got HSV from someone from Tinder. He also tried to add me on Facebook. Of course I declined his request. He was really nice about it. However when I asked him about it, he said he didn’t have it. But without asking him, he said that he sometimes gets a pimple on his lip. Which is a sign you may have herpes.  Based on the conversation, I think he knew something was up, but was in denial about what it was (or possibly could be) and getting it checked out. It’s frustrating. My anxiety excellorated to the point where I could not sleep. I went to therapy (not just for herpes). Even for a short period as you figure out all this, could be beneficial to you. However there’s plenty of people who don’t go. Which it totally fine. Just wanted to let you know you’re not the only one. Be angry, be frustrated, but don’t beat up yourself too much. Forgive yourself. Remember, this doesn’t define you!

Good luck! 

Share this post

Link to post

Similar story for me also with a guy I met off Tinder.

He lives an hour drive away so will never be bumping into him again but at the same time feel as though he just got let off the hook lightly by just passing this to me and walking away.

I have always taken my health seriously,yes on rare occasions had unprotected sex (not one night stands) but always went to clinics to make sure I have the all clear before sleeping with someone and always have been open with discussions on whether the guy is too but I learnt the hard way when this guy said he had the all clear when it came down to us being intimate and reassured me that it would be fine to not wear a condom (all week he had been having is first outbreak the whole time but still decided to do this to me)

I feel soo stupid,it was the worst painful sex I have ever had and what for..to be given this for the rest of my life from a guy who couldn't care less and theres no going back but just to keep swallowing those tablets everyday in hope of living my life as pain free as before. This is the worst thing to ever happen to me and because of this always being an issue with outbreaks it will be something herpes will never let me forget.

Share this post

Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


    How can having "the talk" actually create MORE intimacy & connection?

    Download your free e-book + handouts now

    In support,


    Ready for one-on-one coaching support?

    If you're ready to transform your shame into resiliency (and you're ready to do the work), I can help. Find more information about coaching here: http://adriallifecoaching.com

    In support,

  • Create New...