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Disclosed last night - successful!


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Brief background: I was diagnosed via blood test (no symptoms) by a fluke back in October when my ob/gyn added this test when I asked for an STD panel. I had not been sexually active at all in the past 10.5 years, so my exposure was a long time ago, and I am asymptomatic. However, knowing that I would now need to disclose this thing that I was previously blissfully unaware of, I was terrified of haivng to disclose. My first disclosure was to a guy that I had been on one date with, and I told him within 15 minutes of finding out myself...and I was a hot mess. And he rejected me. After about 4 days of allowing myself to cry and be depressed about it, I decided that I wasn't going to hold me back.

At the end of January, I started seeing a new guy. This guy is PERFECT in so many ways. He checks off every single box I could possibly think of, and then some. And he feels the same way about me. Well, last night when we saw each other, I just knew that this was going to be the night that we were going to become intimate. I was again TERRIFIED because my first disclosure had been so awful. However, this time was different. I have researched the hell out it, I know it's not a big deal for the majority, and I also knew that this guy and I share some pretty strong feelings about each other. I could see myself marrying him...but yet, I had this *thing* I needed to tell him, and I was still scared that he would reject me. After all, he had previously disclosed on the phone that he is "squeaky clean" of STDs...but I couldn't tell him this over the phone.

So, we had some drinks and dinner. Ended up at a hotel since we didn't want to drive to either house after drinking. And things were moving quickly...and then I had to stop him. He was confused and apologized, thinking he had overstepped. I assured him that was not the case, but that we needed to talk first, and that it was not optional. We needed to talk.

He went and poured us each a glass of wine and sat down on the couch next to me and asked me to spill. First, he asked me "You were never a dude, right?" No. I asked him if he wanted to Cliff's Notes version or the droning on version. He opted for me to just come out with whatever it was. So, I told him that for other reasons, I had been tested 5 times for STDs in the past 10 years, and thought that they had tested for everything under the sun...except they apparently hadn't. And then I just told him that the blood test for HSV came back that I carry the antibodies and that I am asymptomatic. At that point, he stopped me and said, "So, what you're saying is that you don't have HIV, right?" And I told him that no, I do not have HIV. And his response was "Then nothing else matters. This is a non-issue. Can we have sex now?"

And that was it. He has no problem with it, and he did not reject me. Instead, he embraced me and we continued on with our night.

SO....don't give up, and don't worry. When the partner is right for you, they won't be bothered by your HSV status. I'm feeling so incredibly blessed to have met this man and cannot wait to see where this goes!

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  • 1 year later...

Love this story about you and your boyfriend. I have recently met someone and we are taking things slow but I can feel that this conversation is going to come up in the near future. I was wondering...did you use the term HSV or herpes? I know it sounds stupid but in my kind when I say HSV it doesn’t sound as dirty to me. I also am unsure of how much information I should give him. Whether it be all the statistics or just the cliff notes version. He’s a super good looking guy, with a wonderful career and we have the best time together. I am just so nervous that this disclosure will ruin things for us. It’s hard to put your heart out there when you honestly don’t know the end result when disclosing. 

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  • 1 year later...

Awwww that almost made me cry!!! That’s exactly how it should be! What a lovely man and I wish you both well.

It doesn’t and shouldn’t be this big deal. It doesn’t make us bad people or dirty or diseased like some people make us feel. 
That’s such a lovely thing to read and has made me realise that how my ex is behaving is just unreasonable and so unfair. 

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Hi!!!

I loved this story ❤️ Thank you for sharing!! You deserve this beautiful, accepting love ❤️

One of the most key (and often underestimated!) foundations of a strong and healthy relationship is ☀️respect☀️

Respecting our physical, emotional, cognitive, and spiritual choices is key, and finding someone who respects ALL of us (including our herpes🤗) is key, too!! 

Sending Love and Light you and your significant other's way! ☀️🍀🌈🌄❤️🌼

 

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This is exactly what I needed to hear. I’m so scared of disclosing that I’m staying in a relationship that is dead. I pray that when the time come for me, it will be just as wonderful as this... I wish you both the best!!!

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