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justagirl72

first disclosure post LTR

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I am getting out of a 3 year relationship.

Ive been spending a lot of time with a guy I met years ago and recently reconnected with. I enjoy spending time with him, would love to have a sexual relationship with him, but don't really see much more potential than a rebound at this moment. I feel like if I didn't have H it would be no question but with h...well, you know.

Anyway, he came right out and asked via text why we haven't had sex. So I obviously told him the truth. Now IM the one feeling like I need space loll I thought after 4 years of h I was good but turns out vulnerability still freaks me out.

He was understanding and said he still wants to spend time with me and take things slow and see where it goes. In my mind, it feels like a rejection. I'm giving one word answers and shutting down and he is asking ME if I'm okay. I'm like... shouldn't I be asking you that.

I think my question is actually backwards. How do YOU feel after disclosures, regardless of the outcome. Even when I disclosed to my now ex and he accepted no question the pure vulnerability had me texting my ex and asking him to see me. I have a lot of work to do.

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Hi Justagirl72

Your vulnerability is understandable, its normal when you come out of a longer relationship & have to think about disclosure again.

& to answer your question & I think I have to answer it based on the outcome:
After I have had a successful disclosure I feel great & don't worry at all but I am a very laid back person 🙂 
After I had a failed disclosure last year (that is what brought me here, I have had HSV for 8 years & it never really bothered me
that much) the hurt was so hard to deal with.

I wish you the very best of luck!

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On 3/4/2019 at 6:26 AM, Amando said:

Hi Justagirl72

Your vulnerability is understandable, its normal when you come out of a longer relationship & have to think about disclosure again.

& to answer your question & I think I have to answer it based on the outcome:
After I have had a successful disclosure I feel great & don't worry at all but I am a very laid back person 🙂 
After I had a failed disclosure last year (that is what brought me here, I have had HSV for 8 years & it never really bothered me
that much) the hurt was so hard to deal with.

I wish you the very best of luck!

Thanks for your response! 

So after disclosure I could tell he was still hesitant. I let him take the lead on anything physical and he would get pretty far and then bail on having sex. He finally expressed that he was still nervous about it. I wasnt that invested and honestly was just looking for someone to have casual sex with right now.

Heistation is fine, in general...but I honestly don't think it will work for me. You're either okay with it or you arent. I'm not going to deal with someone in between acceptance. My ex never hesitated. So I know it's out there. It's a boundary I have to set for myself. I don't have to accept a maybe in regard to hsv. 

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I totally agree with "You're either okay with it or you aren't" comment, & as you say your not that invested then it is better to walk away
so you can find someone who isn't going to mess you around.

There are plenty of those people out there & I am sure you will find some good ones 😉

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