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Jules1967

Rejection after Acception

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So I’ve been HSV2 positive for 26 years. I got it from my husband who passed away 3 years ago and am just now trying to find my way into this whole dating scene ...ugh. It’s hard enough to date at 51 years old but with the ol virus thing makes it just that much harder.  Well I met this wonderful guy and the connection was instant (he is widowed as well so we really bonded inthat area) however the feeling of being rejected was in the back of my head. We went out on three dates three nights in a row (at his request) so after the third date I had to do the ol texting disclosure (I know, chicken of me).  He responded nicely and then still wanted to continue seeing me. He said he did research and we just need to be careful. Wow, how awesome is this I thought.  He continued to call me and we went out daily and he spent the night several times and I did as well at his place.  2months later, he drops a bombshell on me and says “this just hit me in the face. I know it sounds shallow but I don’t think I can continue this after you told me you were having an episode”. I was very upfront. I don’t get many OB, maybe one a year and it’s nothing. I get one little sore on my ass cheek and when I told him at that time what was going on he said “we both knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, so what’s wrong”. So, again accepting my diagnosis. I think I could’ve handled the rejection easier if he would’ve said he couldn’t see me right off the bat rather that string me along. Anyways, after that rejection, I have major trust issues as far as a man accepting this.  I have my guard up now BIG TIME.  It was not only an emotional wound but very much a mental one  

Has anybody else out there dealt with acception then rejection?  

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Hi Jules1967

Yes it has happened to me, I disclosed & thought she had accepted it, 2 weeks later she said "I cant do this anymore"
She then preceded in changing her mind back n forward for the next 3 to 4 months as we continued to text each day & occasionally talk on phone.
She finally met up with me again, I took her out to dinner then when she came back to mine all she wanted to do was have a go at me,
so didn't stay long (although she text me an apology later lol :classic_unsure:)

Then when I decided to leave her totally alone she text me that she missed me in the middle of the night, we texted each other for a week or so after that & one night she got very sexual in the texts & told me she couldn't wait to meet up, then a week later she went really cold again.
This time I decided to push her away & sent texts to do just that as I could no longer take the emotional turmoil.
Maybe I should take comfort that she found it very hard to let go.

The wound emotionally & mentally is massive.
It was the worse thing that has happened to me dealing with having HSV, as before that HSV had never been a big deal for me.
Being rejected by someone I really thought was special because of a virus left me feeling completely cheated & probably will stay with me for ever but of course time heals!

Try to get the trust issues thing out your head because there are plenty of fantastic people out there that will accept you,
don't judge everyone the same.

I got back with my ex girlfriend (I had been with her for 6 years before) at the end of last year.
She accepted me from the very start & has never worried or had any problems with me having HSV.

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Thanks for the consoling response. Yeah, I know not everybody is like that and I shouldn’t let my first rejection and disclosure cloud my judgement but right now it does. We live in a small town and fortunately for me we havent ran into each other. I guess I just need time to get over it. Thank you again 

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I have just had this happen to me.

Was diagnosed 7 months ago and been really struggling with it. Met a lovely guy in December and we really hit it off. I disclosed to him last month just before going away for 3 weeks and told him to the the time to think about it etc etc.

We went out last night and everything was great, he stayed at mine and 'initiated stuff' when I grabbed a condom for him he said no he couldn't go through with it. I was devastated and feel so rejected and upset especially given the way it happened.

I have friends with it who are dating but haven't been honest which I think is awful but this has left me thinking that I can undersrand why people don't disclose because this sucks.

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I am 22 so a little younger! I’ve had it for almost a year now. I met this guy I was honest and open about the fourth date in. He had HPV and disclosed to me as well. He told me he had to think about it. An hour later he texted me that he just couldn’t risk getting another std. Then a week later I texted him over the hurt and wanted to be friends. He invited me and over and since my birthday was that Tuesday he wanted to take me out for it. That Monday he invited me over for the first time. We got really physical not sex but close. He held me and it was nice. I really enjoyed being with him. On my birthday he texted me that he just cant do it. He rejected me on my birthday after getting naked for him. All I asked was I can meet you at your place and we can go somewhere on your side of town for my birthday, would that be okay? I got I can’t do this anymore I know it’s your birthday but I just don’t want to hurt you and I can’t afford to get another std. 🙄🙄🙄 So bottom line disclose when you are ready. Rejection is always a possibility. But there are several people in my life who has it and are in healthy relationships. 

 

Im also very sorry for your loss!

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@Notgoingthere

That is fucking awful 🙄

The guy couldn't even do that for your birthday, even if he decided not to be with you,
that wouldn't of been to much to ask just as a friends thing.

I think you dodged a bullet there, you will find a guy a million times better than him.

good luck!

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