Disclosed and the person was just wonderful about it!

[girltryingtodate]

I was having a very hard time last week in anticipation of having to disclose to a man I had recently started dating. I had posted on here about how we ended up getting slightly physical (no sex) and I had not disclosed that night. I knew I hadn't exposed him to the virus but not disclosing before getting even slightly physical is not who I am. So in anticipation of now having to have a harder talk I was basically driving myself mad with anxiety and panic attacks. I decided that I just needed to take care of this and let life happen as it will.

It's been a while since I've had to have this talk as I recently got out of a very long-term relationship. I spent a lot of time here reading through the success stories and the disclosure pamphlet. I am so grateful for this forum and the information on here. It truly helps to know that we are not alone and that success is possible. 

So now for the disclosure part ... long story short, the other day I saw him finally and let him know my situation. I was expecting that I would cry and just run off after disclosing but I was completely shocked at myself - I didn't cry and was more confident than I ever thought possible. I suppose writing out a script for myself and practicing saying the words out loud to myself, the mirror, my therapist, and friends really helped. Anyway, I was expecting that he would nicely reject me and I would just have a long cry at home but instead, he told me it's not a big deal and that he knew people who have. I don't know how to explain the relief I felt and the rush of endorphins that filled my body at that moment. I had all the stats ready in case he had questions and all the worst case scenarios playing in my head but instead, it turned out to be an open and vulnerable conversation without any judgment. I cannot express how I elated I have been feeling.

Right now I am trying to enjoy this feeling of success and take things one step at a time. Of course, I don't know how this relationship will work out in the long run .. I don't have a magic ball that tells the future .. but even if things do not work out and we go our separate ways I know that there are wonderful humans out there who do not let a stupid virus stand in the way of a possibly beautiful relationship. I also have learned that being vulnerable is powerful and beautiful and really shows a very mature side of the human both disclosing and receiving the information.

I surprised myself by being courageous and acting from a place of love, openness, and caring and the universe surprised me right back. Of course in the back of my mind I know that not everyone will react this way but in life, we must learn to love ourselves as we are and accept ourselves before seeking the acceptance of others and herpes is slowly teaching me how to do just that.

[forgivenessandpeace]

Congratulations! So happy for you 😊