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To cut a long story short I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for my first life for 4 years. Then I started dating a guy who I thought I loved. He dumped me while I was on holiday after 6 months (and on off dating before that) and I cried the whole holiday. I came home slept with him one more time then it was completely over. I then met a guy who was saying he wanted to be with me, who thought I was beautiful all the usual.. I slept with him after a week, no protection, he was leaving to go abroad for 5 months and we had spent every day with each other (all 7 lol.) it was stupid and I was confused and heartbroken and all that. Then new guy got on his plane.

I became very ill, had to go to hospital, my flu symptoms were insane, and you know the rest, I had a first outbreak. I told no one. I wasn’t 100% sure who it came from out of new guy or old guy. Old guy used to insist we used condoms every time. New guy however said he drank smoothies and stuff for his skin.. even though there was seemingly nothing wrong with his skin, and he rang me the day he left for America and asked if I was sore, I said no.. I was still confused at this point, and he said good because I just wanted to check I hadn’t hurt you. Before he had left he also gave me some speech about having to accept him for who he is.. but was saying it was because he smoked weed.. idk. After 6 weeks of phone calls and stuff the new guy said he didn’t want us to continue and long distance was hard. That is when it hit me, I was alone with HSV for nothing. What is worse, I think new guy knew he had it all along and never told me, or used protection. I lost it. I messaged him and went nuts at him. He said he was having heart problems though and I couldn’t stress him out. He called me the next day and I told him on the phone (didn’t say what it was though) I was too confused and just broken. I told him it wasn’t harmful though and after a while (still in a state) I messaged him saying it was HSPV.. which isn’t a thing but I just was in such a daze and didn’t realise I had mistyped it until he replied saying along the lines of ‘well don’t worry 1 in 3 have it, some people are dying get over yourself, see ya’. Then it hit me, how did he know I was talking about HSV and not the HPV virus? He came back from America 3 weeks later, my blood was boiling. 

Like at this point I think I went psycho, I messaged him pretending to be fine so he would see me in person then, I don’t know, I just felt like I needed him in person for some sort of justice or apology or something? Bad idea, we met up, and I was still in shock, I was very traumatised by all this, and I slept with him, he didn’t bother with protection may I add. Then he told me to leave. Not exactly the justice or apology I had planned.

This guy literally broke me and recklessly infected me. I had counselling and was diagnosed with severe adjustment disorder and elements of PTSD. I was having nightmares every night. They were of men trying to abduct me, and they were so real. This went on for about 6 months. 

And in that time, this other boy that I didn’t know kept messaging me on FB and saying he wanted to meet me, and after a month or so I reluctantly met him. I would say I never would have agreed to meet him if I didn’t have HSV because up to that point I found selfish players exciting and attractive, whereas, He was so different to my usual nasty selfish type, he was sweet, he took me to dinner, he had real conversations with me, he kept asking to see me, but how could I tell him all of this baggage. I dated him for 5 months, just kept telling him I was having counselling and not ready for sexual stuff yet, and he was fine. We shaped a little life together and I was happy but terrified of the secret I was carrying. Eventually one evening I just came out with it and explained I had caught something etc and if it changed things between me and him I could leave. He said ‘why would that change anything?’. I just want to point out, this boy is literally gorgeous, like stop and stare, successful, kind, funny, gorgeous body, literally perfect, and he still wanted me? We now have a sexual relationship and I take antivirals and that is that. He stopped my nightmares and he taught me to be with a person that treats you with respect. And all that came from this HSV nightmare we all live when we are first diagnosed. HSV doesn’t always steal from you your future life and hopes you had planned, in my case it actually realigned my perspective and taught me some self respect. Enough was enough with these awful guys that were making me chase them and eventually affected my physical and mental health. 

1. Disclose when you are ready (just don’t put people at risk) for me it took 5 months!! 

2. Accept (in cases like mine with a knowing giver) that the person who gave it to you should not be in your life and you are having a lucky escape.

3. If they don’t accept HSV they aren’t the one, you are just one person closer to the actual one for you. 

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Thank you for sharing this story. I am in a really bad place. I get my first OB the first week of September. I  got it from the father of my child, who cheated on me. He knew he had it.. and did not disclose. I got ozone therapy and UVBI therapy done and have not had a single symptom since and I do not take any medication. I'm lucky on that front I suppose but I struggle VERY badly with my self esteem and thinking anyone would want me with this AND a child.. I am successful. I am in shape (I'm actually a bikini competitor). I own my own home and am very loved by my friends and family.. I just cannot seem to shake this feeling.

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