Hi from India looking for a ray of hope

[hope27]

Hi all lovely people. A new bee here in this another side of the life. I am male mid 30s from India. 

Recently found out I am tested positive for herpes. Yet to find out if its hsv1 or hsv2. My result shows igm 3.5 which has made me more confused as according to internet igm is not a reliable blood test and anything between 1.1 to 3.5 needs retesting. My igg is negative so it means its a recent encounter. I asked the girl with whom I got exposed to and she told she doesn't have it but did not show me her test results. I was having a casual affair with her. We had sex so many times earlier and always used protection. Last time when we met in the heat of the moment we did it for few seconds without protection and the moment we realized we stopped and used protection. But by then whatever damage had to happen had happened. Here in India things are not very open when it comes to sex and pre-marital sex is seen as a taboo. I did a full sti. Everything came negative except this. 

My parents are asking me to get married but I can't tell them why I cant get married. I don't want to pass it to someone who doesn't have it. I have a small niece at home who always wants to come to me but I am avoiding her like anything. I am scared if its hsv1 on mouth I may spread. 

A few seconds mistake has shattered the entire world around me completely. The thing that hurts me more is it was my irresponsibility for having casual fun and not being careful. Life will not be same as before. In India people don't discuss about stds openly. If I tell anyone they will think me as a living virus and avoid me. I know a virus doesn't define me. I am much more than this. But how do I move forward in this place where things are not yet progressive when it comes to std. Having this constant thought that I will be alone rest of my life is killing me. I love kids a lot. Every time I see my niece my heart starts crying as right at this moment I don't see any ray of hope of finding anyone who will accept me with this. 

Back in India we all stay together like a joint family. A big house a big fat family. So I have to constantly act that everything is normal. I can't tell my parents. May be they will understand but more than that they will be hurt like anything. 

A little hug will be helpful now. 

 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

I hope you are feeling better about things now.

[tiredandlonely]

IgM is not an accurate test, so you have not been diagnosed with herpes. I think you should get IgG testing for peace of mind. 

Did the girl you had sex with also have a fulls STD panel? You say she did not show you her results. Did you show her yours (so that there would be an expectation of reciprocity)? Do you have a reason to think she would lie to you about her herpes status? 

If you have HSV-1 orally (like many, many, many people who never have symptoms), it is not related to your brief unprotected sexual encounter, and I do not think you need to be worried about spreading it to your niece, mostly because hugging her or playing with her is not going to transmit herpes to her. Most people get it when there is an active cold sore lesion and it does not sound like you have experienced that.

In any event, it is not a sexual disease, so hopefully it will be easier to talk about in the even that you do have an oral infection. Keep in mind that many, many people are seropositive for HSV-1 and never have symptoms. According to a paper I found 33% of adults in India test positive for HSV-1. That is 1 in 3 people. You are interacting with others who carry this every day.

It sounds like you only got tested because you did not use a condom for a short period of time (keep in mind that condoms do not offer 100% protection against herpes since it is transferred from skin to skin contact and not bodily fluids). If you had used condoms the entire time you were having sex, you wouldn't have gotten tested, and you wouldn't be worrying about oral HSV-1. So I do not think there is anything productive that will come out of worrying about it now. 

There is much more we can discuss if you end up being positive for herpes on IgG (or Western Blot, but not sure it is available there). Please keep us posted. 

 

[BeingMe]

Hi

I understand where you are coming from. I am an Indian as well and I am struggling through the same thing. I dont knw how to tell my parents that I can't get married with this issue.