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[Confusedsinglemom]

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a little less than 2 months now. We have had sex twice, once with protection, once without. About a week or so after the unprotected sex, he gets a call from his doc saying he really needs to come in to discuss some results from his blood test he had a few months prior. So he goes and discovers he has HSV1 and HSV2. He wasn’t even aware it had been tested for, he has never had any symptoms or was never aware he had been exposed, his doc had just said he was running the gamet since he was beginning to date after his divorce. 

So obviously he was devastated, called me immediately and told me. So that’s been a little over a week ago now and after a lot of talking I have convinced him that we can will be together.

Which bring with me to my real question. What are the chances I did not contract it from the two episodes of sex we had. And how effective are condoms in helping prevent it. He is adamant that condoms provide no protection and that the only way for him to protect me is to have absolutely no sexual contact. Not even kissing. I am nervous that I already have it. Nervous that I will get it. But I really do love him and do not want to risk losing him either. I’m so scared and confused. I feel guilty for saying this, but I don’t want to get it. I’m terrified of having an outbreak. Terrified of what it would mean if I got it and things didn’t work out with him. I’m 38 years old, I have had sex with only a couple guys at this point In my life and really didn’t think I would be dealing with this. 

I went and saw my ob/gyn and she wouldn’t even order the test. She swabbed down there and said that a blood test is not that helpful because we don’t know if he has it genitally or orally, we don’t know his numbers, whatever that means. I guess I will speak to my primary doc or maybe planned parenthood but from what I’ve read I neee to wait a few more weeks to be tested anyway. So now I wait and wonder. And pray it’s negative. Or maybe I should be praying it’s positive since that would make everything easier. I’m just so scared and confused. Please help 

[Confusedsinglemom]

Anyone?

[100918]

My first reaction is that doctors don't call and suddenly tell you to come in and discuss test results from a few MONTHS ago. I think he's lying and knew all along and this is his way of disclosing to you...but I think he's full of crap that he's just now finding out. Doctors don't wait to give you results like this.

When I was tested, I got my results within 4 days. And my doctor's office called me to tell me over the phone that one test came back with a positive result. I also did not know that it was something they were testing for when I went in and asked for a full panel. Or maybe I assumed they would, but I thought it would be negative since I had been tested for STDs many times before and never was told I had it (and it turned out that for 10 years, they never ran that test...this was the first time it had been run).

It is very possible that you will be negative. Just because he has it does not mean automatically that he gave it to you (I've had mostly unprotected sex with my boyfriend and he is still negative 2 months later).

[Confusedsinglemom]

16 minutes ago, 100918 said:

My first reaction is that doctors don't call and suddenly tell you to come in and discuss test results from a few MONTHS ago. I think he's lying and knew all along and this is his way of disclosing to you...but I think he's full of crap that he's just now finding out. Doctors don't wait to give you results like this.

When I was tested, I got my results within 4 days. And my doctor's office called me to tell me over the phone that one test came back with a positive result. I also did not know that it was something they were testing for when I went in and asked for a full panel. Or maybe I assumed they would, but I thought it would be negative since I had been tested for STDs many times before and never was told I had it (and it turned out that for 10 years, they never ran that test...this was the first time it had been run).

It is very possible that you will be negative. Just because he has it does not mean automatically that he gave it to you (I've had mostly unprotected sex with my boyfriend and he is still negative 2 months later).

That does make sense, I guess maybe he is lying about when he found out. He made it seem like the dr had called to have him come in earlier but he had put it off because he assumed it was about his cholesterol since it had been high for a while. I honestly don’t want to think. He genuinely seemed upset and shocked when he told me. He didn’t even want to see me for a week, but I don’t know, maybe it was an act. 

I am so confused and scared. But thanks for your response. I guess I have some questions I should be asking. 

[hope27]

On 3/28/2019 at 8:06 PM, Confusedsinglemom said:

That does make sense, I guess maybe he is lying about when he found out. He made it seem like the dr had called to have him come in earlier but he had put it off because he assumed it was about his cholesterol since it had been high for a while. I honestly don’t want to think. He genuinely seemed upset and shocked when he told me. He didn’t even want to see me for a week, but I don’t know, maybe it was an act. 

I am so confused and scared. But thanks for your response. I guess I have some questions I should be asking. 

Well the question I will be having is when your doctor is not ready to order a test for you how come his doctor ordered the same test for him unless there was a strong reason for the doctor to order for it. I am not sure how it is in your country but I will assume a doctor will not wait for a month to share the results. 

Coming to condom, yes it can give protection though its not 100% full proof. If he is not having oral hsv then kissing shouldn't be a problem. Also if he did not have any outbreak or had any symptoms of outbreak when you two were intimate dont think there's any risk of transmission. But since you said he is positive for both hsv1 and 2, i will assume he has oral hsv.