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Over a year on and I still over think the day I caught hsv2 and think if only I wasn't so stupid!

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Even with a lovely partner who accepts my diagnosis I still feel reminded of this horribe condition everyday when I reach out to the pack of ayclivor on my side table to take one of two for the day to help me feel a bit like I did before I was infected with genital herpes. 

My ex partner of 9 years left me for somebody else and I had a baby to raise myself, on top of that juggling work,home and our family pet dog wasn't easy. I was very very lonley and spent evenings alone whilst little one sleeps and even on weekends.

I had no luck in dating and had been single for 5 years when I started to talk to someone for a while through online dating. He was 6 years older so thought that was a positive that he would be mature and was looking forward to seeing him as I was sick of having every weekend alone when my child would be spending the night at his dads.

Prior to meeting he said he didn't feel well as had flu like symptoms but promised me he felt better to still meet. I stupidly trusted him and thought it would be nice to cook us a meal, get to know one another and watch a movie as he said he didn't have much money due to paying out bills.As he lived an hour drive away I thought it would be easier on him to stay at mine (I know what your thinking..stupid girl..you probably deserved then getting it) but when your so lonely for so long it's easier to judge from the outside looking in.

Things led to another and we had sex he went to not use protection and I said wait shall we use a condom and he said "I have never had anything wrong with my d**k and me being so trusting believed him. It was horrible sex,it was rough and felt sore and was swollen after,he didn't comfort me as I had to run a bath silently crying in pain and this rang alarm bells for me that he didn't seem a caring person. I play in my mind from time to time exactly all this and wished I wasn't so stupid. You got to laugh in a way, I cooked him a meal and made him feel very welcome and in return he gave me an incurable std to say thank you.

That week the pain did not go away and was the worst pain I had ever experienced. I could not look after my son, go to work, or move around. Even laying in bed hurt regardless of the amount of medication I took to ease the pain. I was diagnosed with a bartholin cyst and straight after was eventually diagnosed with genital herpes. I called him and he told me the doctor didn't know why he had a swollen lymph node and gave him anti biotics and it was all the signs that he was going through his first genital outbreak and knew something was going on with his body but still went ahead and put me at risk.

I do wonder if he did put a condom on if I would of been lucky enough to not of caught it but if he was having an outbreak it was probably at its highest chance regardless that I would catch it. No surprise he was not apologetic and blocked me and never heard from him again.

It has been a battle to try and stay on suppressive therapy as thr doctors would rather me not to stay on them long term due to the expense of taking daily tablets (I live in the UK) but its easier for them to make the decision if they haven't experienced the pain and the inconvieniance of having outbreaks. It effected me as a mum, work, future relationships and an expense in acyclivor.

Thanks for reading..Had to get it off my chest by writing it down.

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Hi anonymous88,

Your story is similar to mine. I was not so long out of an 11 year relationship and when I finally began to get put there I met the sleeze that gave me hsv2. He too told me he 'was up to date with all his sexual health checks' I naievely believed him. When I had first outbreak 4 months into 'relationship' he said "oh yeah I had herpes but it all cleared up and it's gone now. WHAT! 

I'be had to deal with all this by myself and have had a pretty horrible 6 months.

I too am in the UK. I take acyclovir just if I feel I may get an o/b. I've met a new guy who is lovely and I've told but he's reluctant to be totally intimate so not sure where that's going to go.

It's nice to see someone from the UK on here. I only have a male friend with H and other friends just don't understand! Just sometimes you want to rant or ask advice/opinion! 

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I so know how you feel and have been having therapy since August to try and come to terms with the “ what ifs”. Could that be an option for you? I’m in the UK too and I also can’t get my doctors to easily prescribe Acyclovir so I end up buying it when I need to. I know it’s hard. Hugs. 

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