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Reputation and herpes

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If you disclose to someone you have herpes and they stop talking to you and begin telling others do you deny it? I disclosed for the first time in a very long time and the guy isn’t talking to me much anymore and I just disclosed last night. I know I’m assuming because it was just last night but it’s a big step and if he can’t see past it then that’s fine but if he tells people I’ll be embarrassed. Do you guys always disclose? Do people typically talk about this to their friends? I’m feeling uneasy and seriously angry with the one who I know have this to me..

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that's a tough one.  Personally, I don't think i would deny it - part of accepting and living with HSV is owning it - I think sometimes that means whether you want someone to know or not. 

I agree, if the guy you told can't see past it, it's really their loss and your gain.  You are more than a status or carrier - you have more wonderfully beautiful traits that they are likely a fool for missing.  

I've told most my family, all my friends, and each potential partner - personally, my reactions have been positive (or at least what was expected).  I've been with two HSV- men and dating a current HSV- guy now, everyone has known and everyone decided not to care (at least, not make it a focal point of our relationship). 

You have every right to be pissed at your "gift giver", however I hope it won't block you from moving forward and living your best life and being the best version of yourself.  I'm sure I sound like a sap or other enthusiastic person, this diagnosis has just really taught me about my value and being like a duck and just letting shit roll off my back  (meditation helps with that too 🙂 )

Best wishes to you and hope this guy comes around - and if not - dueces to him and more power to you.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I am very open about having hsv2. Close family and friends know and a work colleague. Stds are a part of life..its just one of these things. Its taught me not to judge as lets face it nesrly everyone has had sex at some stage in their life so theres always a risk of them getting something. Keep your head held up high. I know its heartbreaking when you get rejected over something you have no control of. If anyone asked me if I had anything I am very open about it.

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First of all he has no business telling that to anyone. It's up to you to decide how open you want to be. I personally have only told 4 people and mostly only close friends. I don't feel like it's anyone else's business unless I'm going to be sexually active with them, which at this point I don't see myself being emotional ready for sex in the very near future. If someone I trusted gave away something personal about me like that I would absolutely deny it and cut them off entirely. But I can only speak for myself.

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He has no business telling anyone but that’s society nowadays. People like gossip. I was diagnosed ghsv1 this January. I’m terrified to disclose, that’s why I haven’t had a new partner yet. I have my family name to hold up and unfortunately I already know that this will spread around like a wild fire if I tell a couple people. Even close friends. That’s just the reality of the world we live in. At least in my community. I don’t like it of course. They will say I’m a nice guy but yeah he has H. I hate this because I’ve never been talked about in a bad way. Never was into drama. Always a laid back guy but fuck this will give people something to talk about. I just know it 

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I've only disclosed once as I am brand new to this (diagnosed GHSV1 3 months ago) but my take is you should get to know someone VERY well and trust them a ton before disclosing. If you are confident they are a good person and have your best interests at heart then there's less of a chance they will go tell a bunch of people, at least in my opinion.

This is one of the parts about this that worries me too because it's just completely out of your control. But again you can mitigate this by only telling good people who you trust. I feel like I will have to date someone for 3+ months before knowing them well enough to trust them with disclosing.

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