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Exhausted of this life and relationship dynamic

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This is my first romantic relationship ever, I was only ever used and abused before, but I gave him H so he hates me as much as he loves me. I often encourage him to show himself love by spending time without me when I notice that he’s getting frustrated with dating the one who ruined his health... but he takes it as an offense. So I already feel guilty about giving him the virus, and I gotta feel guilty about keeping a distance for the sake of his (and my) mental health too. It’s all so unfair. Why me? Why him? Why can’t he be healthy again, why can’t I be appreciated for once? It consumes all my energy. I am one semester late for finishing university because I literally had no mental capacity to do most of the assigned work or attend properly... I want to disappear from his life leaving no memories other than “There was once a girl I was with, I got herpes from her but I managed to forgive and move on.”... especially not good memories, I wouldn’t want him to miss me. Damn daydreams... Somebody please just discover a cure already... 

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