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No More Tears D

Been living in denial until now. Going through my first OB. Unreal emotions...

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Hey guys. I’m sorry to be so negative on here. Long story short, I came in desperation to this forum in hopes to continue living in ignorance. After multiple inconclusive tests through out the years, I dropped it considering I’ve never had a physical symptom and haven’t thought much of it until sleeping with a new partner unprotected about a month ago... two days after we had sex, he became very ill. He ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with strep and an autoimmune disease. He never mentioned any discomfort in regards to his genitals, but never have I had so much anxiety thinking it’s something else, HSV2... He became better, and the anxiety slightly subsided. We have had sex a few times since he became better, but the anxiety instantly comes back every time... Our last sexual encounter, I woke up three days later with without a doubt is an outbreak. I can’t deny it anymore. This is nothing like I’ve ever experienced. I go to bed crying and wake up crying. I can’t breathe. I can’t stop thinking about it. I 100% believe this ob was brought on by stress in thinking I infected someone who doesn’t deserve it. I’m just waiting for a text from him asking WTF did you do to me? This is the most pain I’ve ever been in, mentally and physically. I need help. In all regards. Thank you. 

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So to step back since you have what you think is an OB can you get it type swab tested so you know exactly what you are dealing with HSV1HSV2 or none. Prior to having sex your status was still not confirmed. You need to get swab confirmation 

Your boyfriend has said nothing yet about genitals just strep and btw my son just had step yesterday so it is going around Good luck 

if the swab is positive and it is confirmed then I will let the veterans chime in that this is not the end of the world 

 

 

 

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@TBarr thank you for your response. The guilt is eating me alive. This is just a casual sex partner... I began developing feelings for him although he has made it clear this is just sex for him. So imagine how horrible it would be to pass this to someone unknowingly when it’s just casual for him 😞 I feel awful. 

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Go to your doctor and get a diagnosis ASAP! Worrying is probably causing you more stress than actually having it. And just because you have it doesn't necessarily mean you passed it on to him.

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Why should you feel all to blame and put so much stress on yourself anyway..he is an adult whether it be casual sex or a relationship it doesn't matter. He has his own responsibility of using a condom so he is putting himself at risk whether it be with you or anyone else. 

If it is just casual sex,that could mean that he could be also sleeping with someone else as he has made it clear that he doesn't want anything more but sex. So having unprotected casual sex would be putting you at just as much risk as him of you catching something else.

I have always put on myself that since having herpes I feel like the risky unclean one for having this but at the same time, others you become intimate with doesn't mean they have the all clear on things and could be transferring yet something else to you.

Know your worth,there really is somewhere someone who would want to commit to you and treat you with the respect that you deserve..just takes time and patience. Best of luck x

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@Anonymous88 thank you for your kind words. I feel guilty because I kind of just dropped it... I should have been more active about getting tested and learning more about it instead of living in ignorance. I take daily Valtrex and have been for over a year for frequent coldsores, so I’m hoping thats in his favor in regards to transmission. He’s made comments about “feeling bad for people with herpes” because “what a shitty life they must have.” We were at lunch after our last unprotected encounter and when those words came out of his mouth, I started to sweat. My heart began to pound and I was trying so hard not to cry. He is in my friends circle, I was introduced to him by a close friend of mine and no one knows about my status... so if indeed infected him, everyone will find out and I basically will be shunned and hated. It’s been about 10 days now and still nothing from him in regards to his genitals, or much from him at all actually... Every day that goes by I breathe a little easier knowing that is one more day without a symptom for him 😞 I’m making myself crazy. I agree with you about the casual sex thing. You really never know and you should always protect yourself but it doesn’t make me feel any better... I don’t know what to do. Thanks for your response. 

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@No More Tears D to be honest he doesn't sound like the right guy for you. The right person wouldn't make comments like that and be so unsensitive. You deserve better. I really wouldn't put stress on yourself. It's life and theres nothing you can do about it. Everyone including myself has their bad days about having this but then other days you just get on with it as we just don't have a choice and doesn't matter how much stress we put on ourselves or tears as it won't change it apart from make you feel emotional drained and exhausted.

I'm not ashamed of having herpes, yes I get embarressed when I disclosed as it takes a lot of courage but at the end of the day I was passed it on through somebody who knowingly gave it to me with an active outbreak so for me why should I feel to blame. With him having sex and on top unprotected then it makes him just within a chance of getting herpes from anyone even if you wasn't on the scene.

I have opened up to my mum and friends about it. If friends arn't very supportive and judgemental then you have to ask yourself are they really friends?

One of my friends has always suffered with cold sores, and I have never looked at her any differently from my friends that don't.

Xx

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@Anonymous88 yeah. I just need to move forward but can’t until I know he’s okay. Idk how or if I’ll ever know if he will be. I’m still so perplexed in terms of disclosing to him although the deed has been done, multiple times. I’ve been getting different answers but nothing seems right 😞 

 

 I’m so sorry that happened to you. I truly believe, and I’m sure most will agree with me, the mental pain is so much worse than the physical of this. I’ve suffered with severe anxiety and depression most of my life, so this has just been absolute hell for me. I’m 26 and feel like my life, especially love life, is over. 

 

You’re right. I’m sure my friends would never judge me, but I’m just embarrassed. Like I said, I work in a very social and public environment. The news would spread like wild fire. Going to work would be hell. God help me. I wish nothing more than to go back in time. 

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