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Brooke122

Need Advice- First Time Posting

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I found out i had herpes about 3 years ago. I haven't dated since. I was already having dating problems and this just compounded it. ABout a year after i got herpes, i met a guy on a dating site and ended up having the most insane connection. Fell for him hard.  I have told him i loved him, and we both have made comments about the future etc. We have talked almost every day for the last year and a half. For other reasons, he kept putting off coming out here to meet me, so i just never felt comfortable telling him about my herpes. Finally about three weeks ago, he told me he was coming for sure. Well, i was so excited at first and then realized i needed to tell him before he got here. So about a week ago, i told him over text. I didn't even plan it, it just came out because he asked why i was acting weird. His response was extremely short. "sorry that happened to you, thats not fair to you. but i don't know what to say right now. i wish you had told me sooner" i wrote back that i was sorry i didn't but i didn't know how. 

 

That was 8 days ago. Tomorrow was the day he was supposed to come out here. I have not heard from him since. I did text him, about 4 days later, and he responded "still thinking" . then gave him three more days, and i texted and called, and he has ghosted me. 

any advice here would be great. did i wait too long to tell him? does he hate me? will i hear from him or is he ghosting me? again this is a someone i was extremely close with. not just a casual text here and there.

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I’m sorry he acted that way toward you. Has he responded since? If not, then he may have ghosted you. A lot of people don’t know how to handle this conversation and they shut down (not saying that’s acceptable, it’s just the sad truth). They may come back around after some thought and education or they may not. Hate is a strong word, so I don’t believe that, but there are some communication issues. It’s not your fault, so don’t ever blame yourself! Moving forward, at the FIRST sign of you feeling like you really like someone and see a deeper relationship/connection, disclose. This gives them time to think while making the impact a little less painful should they decide not to move forward. Feelings won’t be too invested. I think I read this ideology on here, but use H as a way to weed out the b.s. If they aren’t willing to accept that part of you, then they weren’t for you from the beginning. Sending positivity ❤️

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I have done the online thing and even without Herpese its a beast. I had a rule with myself to either disclose before the first meeting or no later then the 3rd date.

10 months ago I disclosed to a guy before our 2nd date. He said he "needed to think about it". I said "I was a great girl herpese doesnt define me and the right guy will see past it and I wasnt ok waiting around for someone to think about if I was worth dating". We agreed to be freinds instead of dating. He became my best freind! (Strictly platonic). Not once did he blow me off or even miss a good morning text. He also quickly started seeing me as more then my herpese and actually without prompting apologized to me for even saying he needed to think about it. One month ago we decided to start a relationship. We couldnt be happier!

My advice is, its fine he needs to think about it but its not fine for him to blow you off or make you wait on him to decide. I think you deserve better then to wait around for a guy. I  think sometimes we feel we need to be patient and understanding towards peoples reactions, in the end thats not true. Dont forget herpese doesnt make you less lovable, less worthy of common courtesy or even freindship!

 

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Brooke122 Did you ever hear from him again? I'm going through your exact same situation. I mean EXACTLY the same, but it happened a little more recently. 

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