new to herpes/boyfriend is nervous

[Mystic_]

I'm 18, and about a month or so ago, I found out I had herpes 1 and 2. Finding out was hard to handle, as I knew nothing about the virus. 

 

One of the first things I did, was let my boyfriend know. He's also 18, and was initially freaked out. There has been talk of us breaking up because he is concerned about his health. Obviously, I know that it isn't as drastic as he may feel it is. I was able to calm him down for a few weeks, while we waited for his test results to come back. 

( Based on timing, I had originally thought that it came from him) 

However, just today, we found out that his results came back negative. He's still really freaked out, and is concerned that he may catch it if we stay together. We've both shared that we don't want to separate, but I'm trying to be understanding of his fears. 

I've tried reassuring him that living with herpes is far less life-changing than it first seems. But I'm not sure what facts I should tell him in order to put his mind at ease. 

[tiredandlonely]

Do you have symptoms? Did you have an outbreak? What led you to get tested?

I think it's important to educate him on the virus and also the risks associated with a sexual relationship where one of you has the virus. It sounds like he is assuming he is definitely going to get herpes if he stays with you, and that's not the case.

First - a lot of the population has HSV-1 from childhood, and even if he doesn't, he has a pretty good chance of dating someone else with it, so that is something for him to consider. 

For the HSV-2, you could go on daily suppressive therapy (antivirals) and use condoms to reduce transmission. The risk of female to male transmission is lower than male to female transmission. I believe with condoms and antivirals it's like 1-2%.

Also, since 1 in 6 people have HSV-2 and most don't know it, he could wind up getting this from someone else who doesn't know they have it and isn't taking the steps to protect him.

You're right that herpes does not have to be a huge life-changing thing (it is what we allow it to be). I think you have the right attitude  🙂

[tiredandlonely]

Also, if he had IgG testing, it is not very sensitive for HSV-1. According to research at the University of Washington, the typical commercially available IgG test misses like 30% of HSV-1 infections (it's better at diagnosing HSV-2). So, there is still a chance your boyfriend has HSV-1 from childhood. The Western Blot from UW is the best way to determine status for that. 

But that is only if he is super concerned about his risk. At least half of the population has HSV-1, so even if he is negative now, he's only 18 and there is a good chance he's going to be exposed at some point.