Online dating and settling

[TaintedLove]

Has anyone had any success with online dating? Sometimes I feel like that’s my only option . But I’m to afraid to post a picture. I get messages from guys but there not my type. A lot of the guys that I see I’m just not into even when I read their profile. Some just want to hook up and that’s it. And other with potential is so far away. I’m also scared of being catfishes. I think that’s another reason why I don’t have a picture up. I had my pictured up on another dating site years before the virus and this guy saw me in public and called my name I was so nervous and scared.......Should we stick to the same standards we had before our diagnosis? I feel like we should but then part of me says woman be happy that someone is interested in you 😔. I don’t want to lower my standards just because I want love but then part of me tells me that you have to compromise. I just don’t want to settle for less  at all. I did that with my giver for a year and half no more! What’s a good dating site that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. I’m a nurse so,  I just want to meet a nice successful guy between the age 32-45. I’m 38 but I don’t look at all.  I just want to be happy and healthy. 

[100918]

I met my boyfriend through online dating. I'm 40, he's slightly older than I am, nice, handsome, successful in his own right. I also do not look my age and am successful in my career.

It can definitely happen. You just have to weed through a lot of crap to find the good ones. Also wanted to add that I am HSV2 positive and my boyfriend is negative.

I actually think my standards are higher now than they were before in the sense that I was much more selective about who I would consider dating. My goal was to have to disclose as infrequently as possible, so I wanted to make sure I was only dating men who I could see myself in a long-term relationship/marriage with. I had one coffee date with someone, decided he wasn't worth moving forward with, and then met my boyfriend 3 months ago. I disclosed to him and he accepted me with no reservations at all.

Oh, also wanted to add: I did NOT settle. This guy is freakin' amazing...

[Michgirl73]

I have been dealing with this issue. I have gone on these hsv sites and most are Hsv2 and I’m Hsv1. I was trying to find someone with the same type but there hardly any on there with Hsv1. I’m scared to post my pic to with the shame and guilt I carry with getting this virus. I just feel like nobody gna want me or except me because of it. I had extreme difficulty before dating without the virus I’m a thicker build but not extremely over weight. It was always so hard for me. I feel so depressed about this because I do gotta lot to offer the right person. I just now have this unfortunately. I don’t know what to do. I sometimes feel I’m just waiting my life out until it’s time to go, sounds so pathetic. For the last 10 mths this virus has had me all over the place my body didn’t take it well. I’m doing better somedays but I’m sure my stress with constantly thinking about having this virus hasn’t made it easier. I’m 45 and attractive but I feel I’m gna die alone sadly.

[tiredandlonely]

Please, please don't settle.

After I was first diagnosed, I joined positive singles. I did post my picture. I decided that if anyone recognized me in real life, they'd either also have an STD or they would be someone with major issues if they felt they needed to join an STD dating website...no one ended up ever recognizing me in real life.

I did meet a guy who was also HSV-2 positive, and we talked a lot and met in person. He was cute, but we didn't hit it off romantically (he wasn't looking for anything serious and I wasn't looking for something casual). We stayed friends for a while, and he helped me to feel more "normal." He had had HSV-2 for 8 years by the time we met (I'd had it for like 3 months), and I am glad I met him because he gave me a lot more confidence about disclosing and feeling normal again. 

In terms of shame and guilt: what are you ashamed of? What are you guilty of?? Being unlucky? Are you *ashamed* that you had sex? Would you feel guilty about sex if you hadn't contracted herpes? 

Sure, this doesn't mean that there are going to be people who don't want to risk/deal with the virus, but that has nothing to do with your worth and there is still no shame in it. 

If you are more comfortable seeking out partners who have HSV, then definitely go for it. That felt safer to me in the beginning, but I only met the one guy. 

I ended up joining some other dating sites. I didn't disclose in my profile that I had herpes (I think it's personal information and did not feel bad about waiting until I knew the guys). I met two guys that I ended up sleeping with. Both were HSV-2 negative. Both were okay with it when I disclosed. One became my husband 🙂 

@Michgirl73 I'm sure you already know this, but gHSV-1 sheds a lot less than gHSV-2 and recurs a lot less than HSV-2. Also, if you meet someone who has HSV-1 orally (like SO MUCH of the population) then although it would not be impossible, it would be *extremely* unlikely for you to transmit it to them genitally. I know it doesn't necessarily help with the shame and guilt you're feeling (but I still don't want you to feel those things!!) but if I had gHSV-1 instead of HSV-2, my disclosure conversations would definitely include these details.