HSV2 questions. Please help.

[katfische]

So, I posted a discussion thread already and didn't get much feedback. I'm 36. I've had HSV2 for almost 8 years now. It is only on my back in one small spot. Initially I had one on my arm, but it has been several years since that one has surfaced. The one on my back only comes up like a pimple nowadays and is gone within 3-4 days total. I've never had anything on my genitals. I did get one small one once on the inside of my butt cheek (no nice way to say that haha) but it has been several years as well. The OBGyn told me that after 2-3years without an outbreak in a spot there is no viral shedding there unless it comes back to the surface. I have started seeing someone and we are getting to a point where sex is going to come up. He is a great guy and I really don't want to lose him. I spoke with my OBGyn about it. She said that since I have never had an outbreak on my genitals, it would be highly unlikely for me to transmit it to him through normal sexual behavior. She also said that antivirals are unnecessary bc I only have an OB about once per year. She basically said that we were pretty safe as far as the H goes as long as we avoid too much contact during an outbreak. I'm scared to death! She said that since I have never had anything on my genitals then it would be less than 1% chance of me giving it to him bc the virus normally resides within the outbreak area. She said there is more risk of me contracting something else on top of this than there is of him getting this from me. Is this reliable information? I trust her, but I would love more info from others. The last guy I dated was okay with it, but it turned out that he didn't want anything serious. We had sex several times without using any protection at all and he didn't get it. Also, is it safe for this guy to give me oral sex since I don't have outbreaks down there? And I assume it is safe for me to give him oral sex. What am I going to do?!? How do I tell him? Scared to death!!! I really really like this guy! I havent eaten in nearly a week Im so nervous about all this!

[mr_hopp]

Hey katfische!

 

Sorry your first post didn't get much response. It happens. Nothing personal. :)

 

To answer your questions, yes, as far as I know what she's saying is reliable information. The way herpes works is moving to the surface of the skin from the base of the spine through the nerve pathways. If your outbreaks have been staying to the lower back region, then that's most likely where the herpes outbreaks will stay. People have reported that their herpes outbreaks can shift around a bit, but normally it won't shift from the buttcheek ;) to the genitals unless you touch/scratch/itch the outbreak and then touch the mucous membranes of your genitals and transfer it that way. Herpes doesn't magically tend to move around the body without help from an outside source (hand, for example).

 

To answer your other question, even if you DID have genital HSV-2, he could go down on you without worrying about getting oral HSV-2. Dr. Leone came to our in-person support group and someone asked him that question specifically. He said point blank that people with genital HSV-2 shouldn't let that stop them from receiving oral sex at all. There's such a slim chance (1%) that it'll happen, there's basically no risk whatsoever. Here's the video (with a whole bunch of other great, helpful information in it, too:

http://herpeslife.com/doctor-answers-questions-about-genital-herpes-hsv-and-hpv/

 

P.S. Eat. It's good for you. :) Don't worry yourself about this. It's wasted energy. Worrying doesn't help anything. Being your awesome self helps everything. As Baz Luhrmann says, "Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum."

[katfische]

*sigh*.... Hearing this from you as confirmation makes me feel much better. I'm just a ball of nerves. I've had such a hard time with all of this. The last guy I told right out of the gate, but I had known him for 25 years. It was easy to tell him my story. And that was before I even had any of this information! Whew! I was in a terrible abusive relationship with a monster who had convinced me that nobody would ever want me and I was disgusting. He cheated on me over and over and abused drugs and I stayed bc I felt like it was true. Who would want someone with herpes. But I didn't realize then these things that my OB has told me and you have confirmed for me. Even though I still feel it is right to disclose this information, being able to say that it is just on my back and not 'down there' kind of makes it easier to put on the table. Up until now, since the old friend, I had decided to take a vow of celibacy. I don't want to do to someone else what was done to me. I really care about this guy and I'm trying to take things as slow as possible, but we have such chemistry!! That's a good thing, right? I hope that once I give him the specifics he can get past it. If he can't, then it will hurt, but I will understand as I wasn't given the choice. And honestly, he is the kind of guy that I pray we can at the very least be good friends if nothing else. I want him to be happy more than anything! Isn't it a wonderful feeling to care about someone so unconditionally?!? My life is NOT over! I have a wonderful child and I have a wonderful life! If he can't handle it, then he just simply isn't the one.... Now if I can just hang onto that courage when I do have 'the talk' with him! Thanks Adrial!