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"So Do I Get a Membership Card?"


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Hello everyone, 

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while but always seemed to put it off. But a few people I’ve met gave me the extra push I needed to make an account here and get my story out. Granted, this isn't the full story. Just enough context to get us to where we are today.

So, after trying out dating fairly late in my life, I got tired of looking for “the one” to lose my virginity to and realized that what I decide to do with it doesn’t define me as a person. Half a year later, I met a guy off of tinder. There was a lot of sexual chemistry. A lot. Did I say a lot? A lot. I decided I was gonna go through with it and get it over with.

A week later I’m forced to miss work for a week and am bed ridden the entire time. Flu, fatigue, chills, oh, lucky me, it also burns when I pee. What a fun bunch of symptoms. Convinced it’s a UTI gone very wrong, I manage to muster enough energy to go see my GP. I sit down and tell her what’s going on and SURPRISE! It might be Herpes. Won’t go into much more detail, but I caused a scene at the doctor’s office (now I really wanna start a band called Scene! At the Doctor’s Office).

I get the phone call two weeks later. It’s GHSV1. Now here I am. Some mistakes have been made, but for the most part I stayed true to myself, stayed informed, disclosed, and practiced safe sex.

I went on a date recently. Clicked really well. Fast forward, now I'm in his bed. Shit. I got caught up in the moment, I need to disclose before this goes any further. So I tell him, include the risks, give him some important stats. Totally fine with it. It’s consensual, safe, boom. Done.

Here’s where the moment I’ve been dreading comes into play:

Hey I think I have herpes

I love cute good morning texts.

I freak out, but realize moments into the conversation that he is handling this like an absolute champ. I’m still guilt ridden, cause I’m me. He asks what he wants to ask, tells me that the last thing he wants is for me to feel guilty, and even makes a couple of jokes, just like I did with my friends when I found out. He asked me if he gets a membership card. I say it ships in 3-7 business days. “Wow, even faster than the symptoms.” Holy shit.

The reason I’m making this post is for everyone who still might be struggling with their diagnosis, whether it’s brand new, or if they just haven’t been able to fully accept it yet. I spent hours, even days, since I've been diagnosed looking up statistics, stories of disclosure, something that would make me feel better about myself. Even after the initial “Oh my God, no one is ever gonna sleep with me ever again” post-diagnosis reaction was over, I had a rough couple of months of fear and loathing, thinking I was gonna go through tons of painful rejection before I either found someone who accepted the risk for me, or someone who already had it. I haven’t been turned away or treated like garbage once yet because of this. And the most important thing to remember is, yes, I have this diagnosis, but I am not this diagnosis. I am still me, I just get a lil itchy every once in a while. Once to be precise. Maybe a second time? I still don’t know if that was an outbreak or not. Let’s say one and a half

Disclose, practice safe-sex, don’t fret, you’ll be fine darlin’.

I hope this story helps someone in some way. You all helped me loads when I first got diagnosed. If it doesn't I'm sorry. I know this is hard to cope with, but I promise, you'll come to accept it and love yourself again in no time. Don't lose hope.

 

Miss Jones.
 

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