REJECTED!!

[hazeleyes44]

I was falling in love with someone and very excited about the relationship. Told him about my HSV2 status and he suggested I use a dating site for HSV+ people because they are more “my kind.” He didn’t say it maliciously but meant it would save me the disclosure talk and rejection.  

I’ve been crying for the last 3 hours straight. I’m starting to think all these success stories are made up because I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t look at you with pity and disgust when they find out. 

I know you are going to say he was not the right one but how many times can you put yourself through this before it has a seriously damaging mental toll?

 

[100918]

I'm sorry that he had that reaction. It could have been a knee-jerk reaction and he may come around after he has some time to digest what you told him and does some research.

If he doesn't, then you really are better off without him.

Not sure if you saw my story, but when I was first diagnosed, I had just started seeing someone (was during STD testing I had done before gettting intimate - I was insisting he get tested, so I went to get tested as well...only fair, right?), and I disclosed to him as soon as I found out. He had a similar reaction, but didn't tell me to go date my own kind (which is actually a total dick move, tbh). He ended things. I was very upset because things had been going well.

However, about a week or so later, he came around and decided that he wanted to be with me anyway. At that point, I turned HIM down because I realized that I deserved better than someone who would say hurtful things in a moment when I was being completely vulnerable with him.

About 3 1/2 months later, I met my boyfriend. When I disclosed to him a couple weeks later, he was 100% accepting, had no issue with it at all, and basically told me that it was nothing as far as he was concerned. It's been almost 5 months, and we are still together and very happy.

The way I look at it, you can never find happiness if you don't put yourself out there and risk getting hurt. And finding someone who will love you unconditionally is worth the hurt along the way.

Can I ask how old you are? And how old the men are that you're dating? That could be a contributing factor to the reactions you are getting. Also, set your standards high. You deserve someone amazing, not just settling for someone you think will be good enough.

Chin up! Allow yourself the time to be upset, and then pick yourself up and brush yourself off. 

[hazeleyes44]

1 hour ago, 100918 said:

I'm sorry that he had that reaction. It could have been a knee-jerk reaction and he may come around after he has some time to digest what you told him and does some research.

If he doesn't, then you really are better off without him.

Not sure if you saw my story, but when I was first diagnosed, I had just started seeing someone (was during STD testing I had done before gettting intimate - I was insisting he get tested, so I went to get tested as well...only fair, right?), and I disclosed to him as soon as I found out. He had a similar reaction, but didn't tell me to go date my own kind (which is actually a total dick move, tbh). He ended things. I was very upset because things had been going well.

However, about a week or so later, he came around and decided that he wanted to be with me anyway. At that point, I turned HIM down because I realized that I deserved better than someone who would say hurtful things in a moment when I was being completely vulnerable with him.

About 3 1/2 months later, I met my boyfriend. When I disclosed to him a couple weeks later, he was 100% accepting, had no issue with it at all, and basically told me that it was nothing as far as he was concerned. It's been almost 5 months, and we are still together and very happy.

The way I look at it, you can never find happiness if you don't put yourself out there and risk getting hurt. And finding someone who will love you unconditionally is worth the hurt along the way.

Can I ask how old you are? And how old the men are that you're dating? That could be a contributing factor to the reactions you are getting. Also, set your standards high. You deserve someone amazing, not just settling for someone you think will be good enough.

Chin up! Allow yourself the time to be upset, and then pick yourself up and brush yourself off. 

 

Thank you for your response and thank you for replying to a lot of the posts from people, it really makes me feel better. 

I’m older at 45 and this guy is 47. The funny thing is he has HSV1 and knows a lot about both strains but views type 1 oral as no big deal (he didn’t disclose it to me) but type 2 is the plague which is how I think most people view it. 

Rejection is tough and it’s just disheartening to know I have a future of these disclosures and rejection until I find someone accepting, if ever. 

[100918]

20 hours ago, hazeleyes44 said:

 

Thank you for your response and thank you for replying to a lot of the posts from people, it really makes me feel better. 

I’m older at 45 and this guy is 47. The funny thing is he has HSV1 and knows a lot about both strains but views type 1 oral as no big deal (he didn’t disclose it to me) but type 2 is the plague which is how I think most people view it. 

Rejection is tough and it’s just disheartening to know I have a future of these disclosures and rejection until I find someone accepting, if ever. 

So you're around my age. I am 40 and my boyfriend is 44. 

That is ironic about the guy not seeing HSV1 as still being HSV. But, I have seen a LOT of people, mostly on FB, who openly are like, "Yeah, I have cold sores but it's not the same thing". Ummm, it can still be spread and can be spread to the genitals, so yeah, it's kinda the same thing at this point. Maybe back in the day when oral was something that only the "promiscuous" people did instead of just about everyone having sex, but now? 

This guy is old enough to know better. The fact that he hasn't bothered to research the strain that he has tells me that he just likes to be uneducated about it. You're better off moving on.

Have faith...you will find someone who is not put off by it. A lot of us here have, and there are more guys out there who are educated and will see you for you and not for some stupid virus.