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Sydney

Rejected and lonely in paradise

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Ok here goes...First, I cant believe I just now stumbled upon this site. Have had genital HSV unsure if 1 or 2 for years. My last relationship of almost 10 years was easy as we both had it. But now being single for 1.5 years I feel the anxiety and embarressment of having to bring up HSV. I live in a touristy area: great weather, awesome water activities but also can be transient. I have a professional job, starting graduate school in fall and joining reserves to finish my military career. I am a fit mid 30s female and I feel I have a lot to offer in the dating arena. But I just had a terrible disclosure happen a month ago. Looking back, he was not a guy I should of even been interested in. Super alpha ego, talked bad about his exes..etc. I looked past red flags because he was my age (my ex was 16 years my senior), physically attractive and he did have a sense of humor. Again, touristy location makes it difficult to meet people. Anyways, I told him over text and he ghosted me. 😞 I was crushed, as feel I'll never meet anyone. I'm working on self love and trying to keep my head up. I just dont know if I'll ever meet someone who sees past the H. I've read tons of post on here and am even educating myself more. So glad I found this site! Needing words of encouragement...  

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Well, you said it yourself: He wasn't for you. There were red flags. But now that he ghosted, you're turning it on yourself, making it about you. What if it's just that it was a horrible fit to begin with? Can you see that you possibly dodged a bullet instead of taking this on as proof of your inadequacy (cause it ain't, sister). Whenever people ask me when the right time to disclose is, I say this: When you feel you can trust this person with your vulnerability. It doesn't sound like he reached that sacred space yet. So his rejection isn't about you. It's the universe saving your ass from a relationship that wasn't right to begin with. You can keep your head up knowing that you chose integrity and courage by disclosing. A "successful disclosure" isn't whether the other person "accepts or rejects" but instead just that you chose to be the kind of person who takes a deep breath and do the right thing. Every time you do that, something deep and profound gets to grow inside you. And that's the true you.  

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Thank you @mr_hopp ...we were definitely not at that place for me to share something vulnerable. Which also kind of has me beating myself up mentally. I do feel I dodged a bullet as this guy certainly has own issues. I just need to look at all this from a different perspective. I'm trying, I really am. Thank you for the positive words of encouragement. 🙏🏻 love & light. 

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Hi Sydney

Sorry you were rejected & he took the cowards way out by ghosting you but as mr_hopp & yourself have said you dodged a bullet.
Although being rejected is not nice, even if the person was not right for you.

But please keep going!

Its the same as learning to ride a bike, keep getting back on the saddle & the right person will come along.
Be damn stubborn, never give up, I promise you will succeed 😀

The very best of luck to you

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Update here: 

Super alpha male ego guy (I'll call him CJ to cut down on confusion..obv. not his real name) told someone(I'll call him Chad-again not his name) Why!? Why would or how could someone be so insensitive..?!

That just baffles me. CJ told Chad bc Chad asked CJ if it was okay if he dated me..!!?! (like hello..you should ask ME).

Long/confusing not so short story Chad told ANOTHER dude(I'll call him JR)... just fml..ugh!!!  who then got drunk on the the 4th and brought it up to me. Needless to say I was hurt, humiliated and distraught. 

JR who've I've come to find out is just a terrible, gossipy person who must not like himself by the way he treats ppl. 

So after I was able to get back on dry land (off the boat) I bolted. 

JR apologized next day via text, but I called him out on his character and just put forth my boundaries. Chad as yet to apologize to me as the one encounter I've had w him he was drunk and too embarrassed. I'm the embarrassed one here..what are these ppl smokin' good grief!

And CJ denied it all..denied telling Chad. No apology, no nothing. I've never encountered a stone cold serial soul sucker before. Omg! 

Silver lining..I suppose..owner of boat heard JR telling ppl who we were all with on the boat trip (luckily most off them were too lit to even recall the days events) so boat owner text me: apologized for JR and told me HE had it too!! So now we've become friends and hangout. Which obviously includes H jokes...haha! 

My therapists (yes I legit started seeing a therapist bc CJ is a stone cold serial soul sucker and I was having just such a time recovering from the ghosting and insensitiveness of it all) recommended a book: the subtle art of not giving a fck. Essentially, says to categorize your fcks to give bc life can be hard and we shd only worry about real life important shit. Like, family, how we treat ppl etc..anyways the book has helped me shift how my mind perceives stuff.

I also believe you are the average of the 5 ppl you hangout with. So choose wisely!!..and boundaries are so important. 

P.S. Sorry for this long rant and sorry if I broke any community guidelines. I get so much from this site.

P.S.S. also sorry to all the awesome CJs, Chad's and JRs out there. 🙂

 

Syd here..still lonely in paradise ❤️

 

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