Might have given hsv2 to boyfriend

[Shortcake]

So, I may have given my hsv2 to my new boyfriend. This is the first time I have dated in 3 years. I told him before we had sex that I had it, and he said he had no problem with it, and that his ex wife had it. You can imagine how relieved I was to hear that. He wanted to have sex with me, with no condom. I told him I thought it was a bad idea and I was worried about him getting it from me. He still stated he didn't care. But now he's coming down with the classic symptoms...he was just tested today. So we will find out soon. He says he's not upset and he knew the risks, but I feel terrible. I'm going to feel absolutely awful if I have given this to him. And I still feel like if he does actually have it, he won't want to see me anymore. I don't know what to do...

[100918]

If he is educated about HSV, which it sounds like he is, and he knew fully what the potential risks were, then I would also believe him that he is not upset with potentially having gotten HSV from you. 

My boyfriend had the exact same reaction as yours, except his ex didn't have it. Fortunately, we have been together for 5 months and he has not gotten it, but if he does, I honestly will not feel guilty or awful about it because he made an educated decision. I would only feel awful if I had not disclosed. He is a grown adult who is capable of making his own decisions. We had the adult conversation about it. That's all we can do.

You disclosed, you did your part. He was aware of the potential risks and chose to take them because he wants to be with YOU. 

There is nothing for you to do here except to be for him the same way you would if he was going through anything else with his health.

[Shortcake]

On 6/29/2019 at 11:08 AM, 100918 said:

If he is educated about HSV, which it sounds like he is, and he knew fully what the potential risks were, then I would also believe him that he is not upset with potentially having gotten HSV from you. 

My boyfriend had the exact same reaction as yours, except his ex didn't have it. Fortunately, we have been together for 5 months and he has not gotten it, but if he does, I honestly will not feel guilty or awful about it because he made an educated decision. I would only feel awful if I had not disclosed. He is a grown adult who is capable of making his own decisions. We had the adult conversation about it. That's all we can do.

You disclosed, you did your part. He was aware of the potential risks and chose to take them because he wants to be with YOU. 

There is nothing for you to do here except to be for him the same way you would if he was going through anything else with his health.

Thank you. Those are great points. I just never ever wanted to give this to another person, so I think the thought of someone else not caring just wasn't even something I could fathom. 

[Ishmael]

On 6/29/2019 at 12:31 AM, Shortcake said:

So, I may have given my hsv2 to my new boyfriend. This is the first time I have dated in 3 years. I told him before we had sex that I had it, and he said he had no problem with it, and that his ex wife had it. You can imagine how relieved I was to hear that. He wanted to have sex with me, with no condom. I told him I thought it was a bad idea and I was worried about him getting it from me. He still stated he didn't care. But now he's coming down with the classic symptoms...he was just tested today. So we will find out soon. He says he's not upset and he knew the risks, but I feel terrible. I'm going to feel absolutely awful if I have given this to him. And I still feel like if he does actually have it, he won't want to see me anymore. I don't know what to do...

I understand that our reactions to these types of things aren't always rational, but stand back and take a look at what you're saying. You told your BF beforehand, he said he knew he might get it and was okay with it, and even encouraged risky sex. Now it looks like he might have it and he's still okay with it. And if he does end up having it... he's not going to want to be with you anymore? That makes zero sense. None. It sounds like the issue is not your BF, at all, but your difficulty dealing with the insecurities herpes can make us feel about our bodies and relationships. Don't let that muck up your relationship, because this guy seems pretty chill. Instead, try to follow his lead and if you can't, try talking to a counselor. 

Do you like this guy? Then trust what he says and don't project your anxieties onto his motivations. That's a disservice to you both. Also,, not for nothing, a lot of people here would kill for a partner like that!