[I messed up (looking for advice)]

I had unprotected sex before disclosing to a partner that I have HSV-2. I had no intention of that happening. I feel horrible and am having a lot of anxiety over the situation. How do I tell him now that this has occurred without ruining the relationship? Is that even possible?! If I were in his position, I would be LIVID. I don't know how to handle this. Please help.

[Herpes Disclosure and Casual Sex]

On 3/3/2012 at 5:18 AM, domesticatrix said:

I just posted a question about this!! I should have looked here first.

Just reading this already makes me feel better about casual interactions. I was thinking about addressing it just as you have described, but needed a boost from someone else to provide confidence. 

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I really appreciate all of the suggestions on disclosure that I have read on this site. I do, however, feel as though most of the discussions  on disclosure are related to the desire for long-term, monogamous relationships. I really liked the example in the video by the site administrator on the "herpes talk," and would consider a dialogue such as this were I interested in pursuing a traditional relationship. However, I did not think it was conducive for folks interested in a quick, sexual experience. Perhaps this idea has yet to be addressed because conventional notions about having herpes also would have us believe that when you have herpes you "can't, shouldn't or wouldn't" have brief sexual encounters. I am sure many of you disagree with this notion, but I have yet to find a discussion for perverts like me 🙂 addressing the subject.

 

As it is, I have had herpes for 4 years now, (going on five?) and I still have little interest in long-term monogamous relationships, (although I do have a Jamaican boyfriend that I would consider sticking with for awhile we lived in the same country!) That said, it has been my pattern to always seek to meet my sexual needs with new partners simply because my needs are immense and unique. I would like to write more about what this experience has been like in the near future, but only have a few minutes at the moment.

 

I just want to add that there are also ways of disclosing with dignity when you just want to indulge a tryst. I usually keep it really simple and say something like, "I carry the herpes virus and feel the need to disclose this information before we get physical. I understand if this makes you unsure or lose your interest. If you would like to, we can do other things that are sexual besides "fucking." If you are interested in a penetrative sex we can use rubbers. Let ya think about it."

 

I was interested in everyone's take on casual sex encounters post positive diagnosis and if/how you disclose. The reason I think this is important is because most of the language we use around the subject of disclosure is almost always referring to the desire for connection to another based on the ideal of long-term monogamy. We tell ourselves, we want a relationship with this person, and the foundation of said relationship should be honesty. I would argue that the language we use and its premises should be more flexible than this and that we should extend this idea to every encounter; so that every encounter can be prefaced with honesty.

 

I do not doubt that many on this site already see it this way, but I scarcely see it being discussed so thought I would broach the subject. To be honest myself, I find disclosing to people that I have deep and intense feelings for waaaaay more difficult than disclosing to folks I meet while traveling when I'm looking for a brief and sexy affair. I notice my level of confidence and the way I disclose changes situationally which tells me that I have work to do still on my own self worth and how this virus pertains to it. If it makes anyone feel like life is more "possible," know that in my 4 years of HSV2 positivity and between intense and painful outbreaks, I have had many encounters with mmmany partners, who all knowingly took a risk by sleeping with me. What I always like to remind myself is that every time I have sex, I too am taking a risk because many folks just don't know what they have.

 

 

[Need advice on casual dating]

I recently ended a LTR and discovered an app where people are very open about their sexuality and partnership preferences (FWB, dating, poly, etc). We're all human and have desires and needs.

It's a question of morals, I suppose.

How do I handle these situations? Do I just avoid casual sex? How do I tell a potential partner?

I tested positive for HSV-2 probably 6 years ago. I have been fortunate to have only had one outbreak, which is how I discovered I had it in the first place. 

Hopefully I've expressed my issue clearly. 

Thanks in advance for the help!

 

[When to disclose?]

This is my first time dating as a sufferer (?) of HSV 2.  I'm pretty positive that I'm going to get all flustered come disclosure time, but that's not the main issue.  My question is WHEN to disclose.  Obviously, prior to doing anything sexual.  What I mean is, I don't want to be presumptive and say something too soon, but I also don't want to "ruin the moment" and say something as we're moving in that direction.  What about casual sex? At what point do I disclose in that case?

Many thanks to all who provide advice 🙂

[H Buddies, unite!]

Hey all.
I'm looking for a buddy (or buddies) in the Los Angeles area.  Male or female, preferably someone who has been dealing with HSV2 for a while. I'm 29 and was diagnosed about 2 years ago.  I fairly recently ended a relationship and am very nervous about dating with HSV2. 
Of course, I'm always happy to offer up any support that I can, as well 🙂