[Everything all at once.]

*long post alert*

 

Hey everyone. So last week I found out I have genital herpes. I was devastated/humiliated. I saw little bumps appear  on my pubic hair follicles and since I have sensitive skin I just thought I had ingrown hairs growing or a rash. 

 

I went to the doctor as my symptoms multiplied within 72hrs to find out I have genital herpes. I was in denial because I have only been with my partner and we've slept together before and I didn't have these symptoms. He had a cold sore on his lip and went down on me AFTER it went away but he says he has been getting them since he was a child.

 

I believe him. But being 20wks pregnant and dealing with this AND carrying my first born is hard. The baby constantly kicks me and I want to enjoy that instead of thinking about everything else. On top of that I have a yeast infection to so it's breaking me down having to deal with this at once.

 

I cried mainly because of the pain. My genital herpes looked exactly like the one on the Google photos and I had to take a week off of work because I couldn't walk. The lesions were super painful and I hope no one has experienced symptoms on that magnitude. 

 

On a good note I still feel hopeful and I found strength in myself that I didn't know I had. I'm 23 and the only thing that's honestly bothering me is that the baby could contract it if I have an outbreak around birth. 

 

As far as the relationship I still love him. But I don't want to be loved. I felt aggravated towards him because of the pain. Envious because he could go out and enjoy simple movement or being around friends. I just didn't like the fact I couldn't move as much as before. If my vaginal lips touched one another I'd experience sharp pain. My nerves in both my legs started to mess up and it was getting painful to walk. Now the only pain I have is in the bottom of my spine and pelvic bone (but that's from the baby's growth! 🙂 ).

 

Today we finally went out and I can run and jump again. My belly is getting bigger and I feel happier. But a tiny part of me wants to give up. I told my family it was just my lymph nodes.. I can't bring myself to tell them I have herpes yet. It's only been a week. 

 

Sorry for the long post but that's literally everything I've been wanting to get off my chest. 

 

How did you find out you had herpes? Did you experience severe symptoms? And also how do you continue to cope with it? Sorry for the long post/complaining at times. But thank you if you made it this far.