girlafraid
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Posts posted by girlafraid
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I know it seems hard to understand, but I work in the entertainment industry, and things like this are not kept quiet by any means. They spread like wildfire. 22 is prime age for the work that i do.
I think I learned my lesson. I'm going to try to make this right, but i simply cannot let it blow up in my face. It's not just about losing him, but it is about that gossip and reputation. I guess this is just proof that we aren't going to work out in the long run. I don't and have never felt good about lying about this, but this was the advice that was given to me because of the circumstances of my life. I didn't expect us to still be seeing each other at this point, and neither did my mentors. Maybe I have some shitty advice that has been given to me, but it's a shitty industry that lacks integrity. If i'm being completely honest, the reason why it matters now is because this has developed into a real love, which i didn't expect, and i am experiencing my first outbreak. I came here because I'm wary of going back to the adviser that I've been speaking with about this.
If the damage has been done, I think there is something there to wanting to save face and take some of the responsibility off of me.
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I completely get where y'all are coming from. I just... am not coming from there.
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@Trying you're right. But we don't get to choose who we fall in love with, do we? Things just happen...
I seriously hope this all just doesn't blow up in my face because I want to make it right.
Part of me just wants to walk away from the situation. Lose him as my lover, as my man, close my heart back off again and cut my losses...
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@FLnewH
I know you didn't say you're a better person than me. But you are. I'm obviously selfish... I care more about losing this person than I do about integrity.
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i'm 22, and i just found out i had this less than a year ago. you're right. casual sex just isn't something i should be doing.
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anyway. i will fix this. this is the first time and i think this is probably the lamest thing i've ever done in my life. i'm a good person but i fucked up on this. because i'm afraid and weak willed and obviously don't love myself. peace out. i'm glad you are a better person than i am.
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i guess people like me don't come to forums like this. never should have come here.
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are you seriously retarded? it's the TABOO and the SHAME involved with people knowing you haev it that SUCKS. not the disease itself. even the medical community is clear on that.
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I can relate to your friend. The fact is, we are weak and scared. We do not love ourselves, so we fear others will reject us, hate us, think us disgusting, not love us, if we disclose. This is a real and crippling fear and I am guilty of it. As was whoever gave this to me. But I forgive, because I understand. just know we are weak and pathetic.
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and it's an INSULT to say this relationship is based off of a lie. it started very casually, unsafe, and without any pretenses. the way it is changing and evolving is beautiful and amazing, and the fact that i even want to try to make this right, instead of just walking away from the situation completely says a lot about the connection we have. i'm not perfect. i'm scared and damaged. i can't risk this person never forgiving me. it's not a risk i'm willing to take. this is such a small speck in the scheme of our relationship. herpes is not who i am. it doesn't affect my life.. or hasn't until now. herpes is not a part of our relationship. yet. it will be soon enough. the damage is done. what's wrong with doing damage control and trying to work this out? we all make mistakes. let me have this one.
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No. maybe i'm selfish. but i don't think the risk of him passing this on to others and then others passing it on far outweighs me feeling embarrassed.
i guess i'm a terrible, selfish person. maybe i'm not mature enough to understand or handle this the way that you all can.
i'd rather save my reputation, save my relationship, than ruin it all over a stupid fucking skin virus. lying about when i get the results DOES change things. risking losing all of this over something so cosmetic is not worth it to me.
it takes two to play this game. he never asked if i was clean, and i admitted to him that i haven't been tested in a long time. that's also his risk to take. i never ever ever get outbreaks. this is the first time since i found out that i've ever gotten one. i was told that you can't spread it unless you have an outbreak. so this is where i'm at. this is the first time i've had to deal with the idea of maybe passing it to someone, or even the fact that it's an issue for me personally.
i'm pretty certain he gave me hpv because i have a tiny little skin tag that i never had before. he sleeps around, so it's not unlikely that he has given me something. either way, we both need to be responsible and get tested. there are way worse things than herpes out there.
regardless. i'm going to get tested for everything and i'm going to bring him with me. that way, i don't have to deal with this limbo anymore.
thanks for the judgment and lack of understanding my emotional state with this issue. i wish someone who has been in my shoes would respond. with 1/4 females having this virus, he's been exposed to it more than likely not just by me in the past year. for all i fucking know, he has it too.
this is exactly the reason why I'm not mad at the person who gave this to me. i completely understand.
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I'm so ashamed and embarrassed about having herpes.
I contracted it from who knows... I have a few ideas who it may have been, but no one ever told me they had it.
I'm not really mad... because I can relate. It seems there is no way for me to muster up the strength to disclose.
Now I've found myself in a predicament. What i thought was a one-night stand has turned into a real life romance, ongoing for about 4-5 months now. I haven't had an OB, and we aren't monogamous, so I guess I just never felt like this was going anywhere serious enough to disclose. The guy is kind of a gossip... and the last thing I would want is for him to be telling everyone that I have it. Which he does about other people that have it.
But now we seem to have fallen in love. and things are getting serious. And I just got my first outbreak since I contracted this stupid taboo virus.
I don't know what to do. I feel guilty and terrible for not saying anything... but there is such shame and taboo around this virus, that I just can't be faced with knowing people know I have it.
I'm pretty sure I've contracted something from him in the meantime, possibly hpv, and i think with the amount of unprotected sex, plus the fact that we had sex the day before my recent OB, that I have probably passed it onto him.
I know there is something seriously wrong with me that I couldn't have just faced this head on. But I feel like i've gone too deep with him now to tell him that I held this from him. I don't think he would ever forgive me for this. I feel like I need to play dumb, go get checked, and tell him i'm positive. I know telling him that I knew all along would ruin not only our relationship as lovers, but as friends, as colleagues, and it would ruin my reputation with many other people and the scene I am in. I live under a limelight, and this would greatly fuck things up for me. I guess I should have thought about that before I let myself fall for someone.
I hate this. I seriously fucking hate this. This is what makes me want to never open my life up to someone else again. I want to shut down and be a celibate, cold-hearted, single woman for the rest of my life.
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I'm so ashamed and embarrassed about having herpes.
I contracted it from who knows... I have a few ideas who it may have been, but no one ever told me they had it.
I'm not really mad... because I can relate. It seems there is no way for me to muster up the strength to disclose.
Now I've found myself in a predicament. What i thought was a one-night stand has turned into a real life romance, ongoing for about 4-5 months now. I haven't had an OB, and we aren't monogamous, so I guess I just never felt like this was going anywhere serious enough to disclose. The guy is kind of a gossip... and the last thing I would want is for him to be telling everyone that I have it. Which he does about other people that have it.
But now we seem to have fallen in love. and things are getting serious. And I just got my first outbreak since I contracted this stupid taboo virus.
I don't know what to do. I feel guilty and terrible for not saying anything... but there is such shame and taboo around this virus, that I just can't be faced with knowing people know I have it.
I'm pretty sure I've contracted something from him in the meantime, possibly hpv, and i think with the amount of unprotected sex, plus the fact that we had sex the day before my recent OB, that I have probably passed it onto him.
I know there is something seriously wrong with me that I couldn't have just faced this head on. But I feel like i've gone too deep with him now to tell him that I held this from him. I don't think he would ever forgive me for this. I feel like I need to play dumb, go get checked, and tell him i'm positive. I know telling him that I knew all along would ruin not only our relationship as lovers, but as friends, as colleagues, and it would ruin my reputation with many other people and the scene I am in. I live under a limelight, and this would greatly fuck things up for me. I guess I should have thought about that before I let myself fall for someone.
I hate this. I seriously fucking hate this. This is what makes me want to never open my life up to someone else again. I want to shut down and be a celibate, cold-hearted, single woman for the rest of my life.
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I can't disclose... i simply can't.
in General herpes discussion
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Wowwww... you guys are amazing. Thank you thank you thank you for these words. That is really something i never thought about.