Bluebetty
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Posts posted by Bluebetty
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Yeah, if people don't know that going out and having sex puts them at risk for exposure to STDs that's their problem. When I told the last person I had sex with before I got tested, he acted like I am a leper and has not wanted to see me anymore, but yeah, he was pursuing casual sex with strange women without a condom. If he gets infected he asked for it! Don't worry about it.
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Yes, way to go. Definitely the biggest problem is psychological. I don't like the idea of hiding from people that I have a communicable virus but at the same time if it is just casual sex and the person is doing it with other people, the fact that I'm reducing the risk by staying healthy and taking antivirals should make the risk negligible (they are taking a risk by having sex with random people) and not worth bringing up. If it develops into a relationship though, it definitely needs to come out. Congrats on getting that over with!
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I agree with you @hippyherpy, why disturb someone that you are never going to see again. And, most reasonable people are fine with taking the miniscule risk using a condom. As I've mentioned in another discussion, there are several things you can control to reduce the risk as low as possible for other people so that it really does become no big deal.
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I have spent a lot of time researching exactly what the variables are in transmission because I don't think you can EVER ask someone to take the risk whether they are poor and ignorant or brilliant and well educated. It isn't the virus itself that is the problem, it's that nobody wants to get it because nobody else wants it either. Some of the variables can be controlled. In a long term study there was 1 incidence of infection in 223 discordant couples that *nearly always* wore condoms and Valtrex was taken daily. So I take Valtrex and use a condom and if you also avoid sex if there are symptoms or cuts/scrapes on either person from shaving or whatever, and avoid rough sex that could damage the delicate skin (think: lots of lube!) and facilitate transmission, I think the risk is really close to 0. Also it takes time to build up antibodies so if you were recently infected you might want to wait a year, that helps too! And another thing: Do all you can to keep your immune system very strong, eat an alkaline diet and get enough minerals, vitamine C, etc. You can google on this to learn what to do.
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Well, I understand what @Bambina3 means about being on the fence. I recently had unprotected sex with someone who does that with a lot of women and got scared and got tested for everything. He said he was getting tested too. So I waited to share the results until he contacted me... He did NOT get tested and is upset with me that I didn't tell him I was positive right away. I wonder, how many of the other girls he had sex with went and got themselves tested? And most things like HPV that can cause cancer don't have any signs. That is just irresponsible, people have to take responsibility for their own sexual health and not always expect other people to look after them.
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Great post. I understand feeling like life is "over". Some days I feel like I've been killed by a drunk driver and other days I consider the positive points (It's 99% sure I won't infect anyone; even if I do, the symptoms are in most cases mild if any, and vaccines are in the works). Best to find ways to never think about it until that moment when you are about to have sex...
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I wouldn't worry about it. If you had it for 5 years you probably have a lot of antibodies and being on suppressive medication takes the risk close to 0 I believe. Just don't let it happen again. Hugs!
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You don't have to go to the doctor, there are commercial labs all over the place where you just walk in, get a blood draw and they give you a printed report of the results. Make him do that and show it to you. Or maybe better, forget he exists and start focusing on yourself to get over it.
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Medical study with some statistics on this: http://sti.bmj.com/content/80/4/272.full
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No, HSV2 doesn't like the mouth. If infection does occur there, which is very rare, the symptoms will be mild. It definitely prefers the bottom of the spine.
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I think I saw a video interview with a doctor expert on here and he said that most of those cases where people were infected orally happened among gay men. I really don't think it's anything to worry about.
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Well @Prettynerd and @Cookielive don't be so hard on yourselves. A lot of people don't disclose for that very reason, people get freaked out and you lose them. Two things, if they were concerned about catching something they should not be messing around, and second, as long as you don't have symptoms and use a condom there is little chance of transmitting it. If they get infected, it is because they were in an energetic state of receiving the virus. They are probably having sex with other people and if they're attracting that experience they will get it from someone if not you. The only real way to be safe is never have sex. And most people aren't willing to do that.
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Thank you for sharing that. I've decided to just say I carry the HSV2 virus when the person wants to have sex. If they still want to have sex we use a condom. If not, that's that. I don't want to feel like I'm talking the person into taking the risk, so I will only go into details if they express curiosity. But I do tell them how common it is and they could be exposing themselves unknowingly. And that they can only get it from intercoursewith me, not from my mouth (decided to forget that nonsense that there might be a .0001 chance that it migrated to my mouth, people don't worry about that).
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You may not see a positive blood test for 3 months. SHE should be the one getting a blood test. But really, if you saw it on her breast it doesn't sound like herpes. Go to a commercial lab, I got my tests for HSV1 (which was negative) and HSV2 for $49. I think it's important to know which one it is.
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lol, I'm sorry but your post sounds kind of funny. You haven't been diagnosed yet, but you are already on antivirals to "stave off" an outbreak? How do you know it is herpes? What do you mean you were exposed by a "terrible partner"? Did they disclose to you that they have it? Maybe you're just afraid and it's psychosomatic.
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I think it's almost 0. But you can not say it is 0, it happens. Usually with gay men though.
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Yeah, that's his justification, a lot of people have this and most people don't really have symptoms so it should not be experienced like the end of the world.
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@chargeit2thagame you said "i cut off that whole caring about females thing along time ago", if that's the way you feel I don't know why you feel like "tha bars of my prison reappear". You have to really put it out of your mind and just use a condom and go on and live your life. It takes two people to pass herpes. The person who gave it to me confessed but he said out of 20 or so women, only me and the one he's living with got it.
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Yes, it helps. I appreciate it. My predominant thoughts right now are that I need to put this out of my mind and go on and live my life. I don't have symptoms and the chances I would give it to someone are about 1% or less and soon they will be able to eliminate it from the body, so it doesn't make sense to go on living in a prison.
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Well, I can do that for so long, eventually humans wither and die from no physical contact. Thanks for the thought though.
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Oh, I gotcha. Yes, it was bad on him that he only wanted sex and didn't want to be friends. A friend would express sympathy and stay connected even though the sex ended. We are still friends on Facebook but I just haven't had the nerve to try talking to him since then. Anyway, I prefer sex partners that I can spend social time with. I think that should be the focus. According to the Law of Attraction, what we focus on expands and I need to just stop thinking about herpes altogether. It can only bring me down. Thank you for your comments.
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No, as I understand it that type of thing is extremely rare, you would have to have a compromised immune system.
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No, he's never told anyone and he insists on not using a condom.
@WCSDancer2010, you are asking someone to take on the risk of getting this, I think you have to protect people from their own folly. That guy wasn't a jackass, he was scared his life might be ruined!!
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How do you stop processing it when it's always there and is not going to go away - unless there is a cure which I think there will be soon. Better not to say anything, just let the person think that you did not feel an attraction for them. The person who gave it to me says a lot of people have this and it's no big deal, and he advised me that he doesn't think there is any reason to mention it. He says out of about 20 people he's had sex with, only me and the woman he is currently with got infected. But I think he is wrong for doing this.
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This place is a judgment-free zone
in General herpes discussion
Posted
I don't think it's about people think you whored around - I think people just don't want to get infected. True, a lot of people have their head in the sand and assume it will never happen to them. But if you are one of the unlucky ones that lost the lottery, you just have to accept that you are going to find people you are very attracted to you blowing you off, like I did and it's awful. While there are people in the world naive enough to say "sure, I'll still have sex with you", it really isn't fair to take advantage of that, imo.