tryingtonavigate

Hi all, I was diagnosed with hsv-1 at the age of 16 and have had it for a bit over 4 years now. I had a pretty bad initial outbreak but luckily haven't had any issues since that one, maybe 3 within the 4 years and they have healed very quickly. However 6 months ago I got an outbreak and they have been non stop since then. I have taken suppressive Acyclovir since my diagnosis (on and off taking only really when I had partners). I honestly don't know what to do at this point. I have been having them with maybe a week in between outbreaks, and they have been unbearable. Multiple sores at a time, they hurt so badly I can't even walk at times because any friction is just awful. This time around theres literally 6 and they're even bleeding- WTF! I'm so defeated and I can't take it anymore. I just switched to valacyclovir because my doctor said it might work better but so far it really hasn't done anything. I stopped drinking coffee, which is literally my favorite thing, 2 months ago because i thought it was increasing my already intense anxiety but it doesn't seem to effect it... I heard there are diets but I'm not sure if they actually help? I also have been taking birth control pills and stopped taking them 2 days ago to see if the hormones from that may have triggered this series of outbreaks. I'm sorry for this long post- I just have been diagnosed for a while and haven't ever posted on a forum like this. I just don't know what to do anymore. I haven't hated myself for this since i was initially diagnosed but right now it's hitting me really hard... I have a boyfriend that I've been with for over a year now who is super supportive, but I know our recent lack of sex effects him also even if he says it doesn't. He doesn't have HSV and we have always been really careful because I don't want him to go through this. It's just hard because even though I know he loves me and is being so so good to me right now- I really feel like I'm not enough. I want to be able to have a normal sex life but at this point we haven't had sex in a month and I know it's not easy, because it frustrates me a lot I can imagine he feels similar. I'm grateful that he has been such rock for me and nothing but supporting, loving and kind through all of this, but I can't help but think he'll eventually realize he wants more, or that he can't do it anymore. I guess I would just love any advice or support or anything really. The outbreaks feel endless and I am just feeling so frustrated, scared, hopeless and overwhelmed. I really don't know how to deal with this diagnosis and I want so badly to just figure out how to take care of myself to stop the constant painful outbreaks. Thank you.