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Sothisislife

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  1. So I have gHSV2. Last night I disclosed to a new guy I've been seeing. The sexual tension is high so it was necessary before becoming intimate which I could see being very soon.. Turns out he has oral HSV1, has had cold sores his whole life. While I answered his questions the best I could. .. I couldn't answer the ones about transmission with someone who already has HSV1 orally. From what I've read is that it is less likely, the antibodies for one work against the other as all. I want to protect him from getting genital HSV2 but I also want to protect myself. I don't want cold sores. We're both active, fit, healthy people. Neither of us have any medical conditions aside from this. I am on daily suppressive therapy. He's not though. Does anyone have experience with this kind of situation, knowledge, or advice to pass on? Thank you
  2. Heck yes. I figured "out of all the dates I went on with guys I'd met online how many of them did I even have sex with"... and the answer is One. That's what made me join online dating again. I've gone on dates since diagnosis, didn't like them enough to have sex and that was it. It's still fun. It's still enjoyable to talk to people.
  3. It takes time. There are stages. Grieving the life you once lived which is now forever different, coming to terms with all the changes, finding new ways to love yourself and your body again, and finally accepting. You'll be a vivacious, spirited, beautiful woman again. I promise you. As weird as it is. Since I was diagnosed..... my quality of life has greatly increased. Yeah telling a potential partner I have herpes fucking sucks, and outbreaks suck worse, but it puts EVERYTHING into perspective. Give it time. Keep coming here for support. Everything will be okay babe.
  4. You seem to be a very loving, forgiving, all around kind-hearted person. Toxic people are attracted to you because you're understanding and kind, and they love they can get what they want from you when they want it, and treat you like shit bc you'll probably just forgive them. CUT HIM OFF. Boy Byeee. He's not used to you speaking out against him so his reaction is to attack your emotional and mental health. Do yourself a favor and love yourself enough to say goodbye.
  5. Sothisislife

    Struggling with how to be normal again.

    I had a hard time my first 3 months. And I'm still having a hard time but honestly.... my quality of life since diagnosis June 2017 has greatly increased. I find myself only going on dates with men I might actually see as a potential partner in life. I have found myself in positions where I probably would have had casual sex with these men before diagnosis; but having herpes now makes me second guess if this is a responsible decision. And if it is are these the kind of men I trust with my secret? If I cannot trust them with my secret than I really shouldn't be trusting them with my body. Its an easy way to weed out the people who aren't going to be an enhancement in your life. Do you trust them to tell them? No, okay bye. If you do trust them enough to tell them, and they aren't accepting,,,, okay bye. If this person cannot accept you at your worst than they don't deserve you at your best. As far as timeline goes, I think it's different with every person and just take it one situation at a time.
  6. So I thought I'd share a little about what it was like disclosing for the first time. Backstory: I was diagnosed June 2017 after being intimate with my not-so-new boyfriend for 6 months, every instance unprotected. Before our first time, I thought I was being careful by having the dreaded "when's the last time you were tested" talk. He swore it was recent and everything came back normal. Well fast forward six months and I'm at my OBGYN, feet in the stirrups, being told "yep, looks like herpes." He' an asymtomatic carrier. He's never had an outbreak. Well I had to break up with him after about 3 months. Too much resentment I could not let go of. I couldn't help but feel deep hatred and resentment, because my intuition told me HE KNEW. He knew and he didn't tell me in fear of losing me, my assumption is. Had he told me in the beginning we could have taken necessary precautions but nooooo.... Well I've been single now for 5 months, went on a couple dates but didn't disclose because I didn't see it working out long term. So I met this guy on Tinder about a month ago. We've been texting a lot, nearly every day. I have been so busy this month I haven't had a chance to go on a date with him. I started to feel like we were talking so much I was almost being deceiving by not telling him. So we were planning out the details of our date (this coming Friday) and I just told myself "fuck it" and I told him. What have I got to lose? A pen pal... basically. I felt if I didn't tell him, and we went on our date and had a great time, went on a second, I told him, and he was unaccepting that would be more crushing than rejection over text. So after about a grueling 10 minutes waiting for his response, he replies in a nutshell. "Wow that's heavy... I really appreciate your courage and honesty. And honestly, I have HSV too. I was going to wait until we met to bring it up. So I understand the emotional and physical aspects. I guess statistically this isn't very uncommon. It is just not what I was expecting. So moral of my story is that Although you may fear the worst and fear the rejection it is always best to be honest and forthright, and you never truly know how someone is going to respond. So just say fuck it... jump... tell him/her. And with rejection also comes integrity from doing the right thing. So either way you can walk with your head held high.
  7. I've definitely been feeling the same way recently. I started talking to this guy from Tinder about 3 weeks ago. My life has been so hectic and crazy the last month and going into next month, I explained my schedule and he is very understanding and willing to be patient to meet, so instead we text almost every day. A part of me feels guilty. I didn't ask for him to be patient and wait, but I am allowing him (and I) to become more invested by talking so often. My fear is that we go on our date eventually, I disclose, he chooses it's not something he can move forward with, and is ultimately upset I "led him on" for going on 5-6 weeks. At what point should someone disclose when only talking on the phone and over text? I feel like if he isn't okay with it I'm just wasting both our time.
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