clarissa

Hi paige,im new to this site&on my own similar journey to yourself.i was diagnosed this february.i dont normally respond to posts in forums etc,i dont even have face book ha ha.i felt compelled to write a comment after reading your words.you seem like a very articulate thoughtfull girl.I had read a few of the "my stories",but something really struck me about yours,i can completely relate to your words,when i read the last paragraph it was as though they could have been my own words.im sure our lifes are so different,yet we share those feelings in common&i hope it helps you to know that your words have helped me on my own journey in some way.i live in the uk&im a 39 year old mother of one daughter who is 16 years of age.i have not told her about my diagnosis,i dont know if i ever will.i have told one friend&none of my family.my closest friend can be insensitive so i dont think i will tell her.my initial hurdle was enough to cope with at the time,just getting over the first outbreak,which was a terrible experience&some of the worst pain&upset i have ever known.i was in my pjs for at least2weeks&think i told everyone i had the flu or something.iv been busy with work and pushed it all to the back of my mind until recently.its been on my mind lately as iv thought about dating again,but have had all the same insecurities as yourself.its easy to jump in&out of bed with diffferent people,as iv done in the past sometimes,but things are so different now.i havent been near anyone since diagnosis&im going to be alot more thoughtfull about such matters.its really made me think,i never thought anything like this would happen to me.i feel im just getting my head round it all.i consider myself an attractive woman&get plenty of attention,but i have even wondered if i will ever be intimate again.maybe i would like a more meaningfull relationship,but feel so scared like yourself that if i met a nice person who is fond of me it could scare them off.the future may look daunting at the moment,but i am trying to be positive.iv booked myself an exotic holiday for november&im trying to be as positive as i can.one thing i know is things can only get better.im thinking of having a talk with my sister&telling her soon.i really wish you all the best for the future.this is my first time opening up about my own fears&thats thanks to you&your words.lots of love&good wishes xxx