thirdstar

Take a big deep breath! you disclosed your status and gave him the choice of whether or not he wanted to take that chance and that is the most important thing. Even if you did give it to him which you wont know unless he gets tested, many people have no symptoms. Maybe if this is so stressful for you it means that your not ready to have sex yet, but if this concerns you so much that it is effecting your health you should consider using condoms in the future and taking antivirals, this lowers your rate of transmission to 1% ! I can't say for certain whether or not you gave it to him and I can certainly relate to and understand your feelings but not to worry, you've done nothing wrong! Anxiety can be a very powerful emotion that can convince you of almost anything if you let it take over. You need some serious relaxation time for yourself, settle into a hot bath with some candles and a book and you just might find yourself feeling a lot less concerned!

It could be that your feelings about being treated this way by some negative self stigmas but it is also likely in my opinion that maybe this just isn't what you want your sex life to be like, maybe you want to be able to feel more intimate or more spontaneous sexually and I think that is not a ridiculous thing to want or to ask for in a relationship even if you have herpes. I have herpes and I fully expect to have a normal sex life one day even if it takes a few more years for me to get used to the idea. It sounds like you have needs that aren't being met in this relationship and I don't think that you should give them up just because you have herpes, wanting to conceive a child naturally is a desire that many women have and I know many women with herpes who have multiple children and their husbands do not have herpes. I personally could never feel comfortable in a sexual situation in which I was being touched with rubber gloves, it would make me feel disgusting whether I had herpes or not. That being said I don't think all is lost! it sounds like you guys have a great foundation for your relationship, therapy can be very powerful. I think you should go to therapy together, maybe bring one of those great info packed printouts from this website and you two can talk about this info with your therapist present so that she can help him deal with his irrational fears. Best of luck to the two of you!!

Almost exactly one year ago I was raped by a guy who I had gone on two dates with earlier in the year but broken it off with before we became intimate. Two weeks later I had an outbreak and found out I had herpes. The doctor was incredibly un-sympathetic and also unwilling to answer my questions, she gave me a packet and basically pushed me out the door with the response "thats why you don't have un protected sex" I was devastated and in an incredible amount of pain, I couldnt walk for two weeks and almost failed out of college after struggling to finished that semester and the following one while dealing with incredible emotional and physical pain. My GPA and graduation date will certainly be effected but I'm back this year and trying my best after taking the summer to build myself back up. Over the summer I got a good job and a very nice guy began perusing me. Although i was very skeptical about dating again He ended up being the nicest guy I have ever met and we have so much in common and so much fun together, I've never connected with someone in this way before and hes told me he feels the same way. I was even able to open up to him about what happened to me last year, everything BUT the herpes. We've been dating for three months and everything has been magical but we still haven’t had sex because I am terrified to tell him, we have however been intimate in other ways like oral sex which makes me feel very guilty for putting him at risk. Lately when we are together this secret I'm keeping from him is all I can think about, and I know he can tell something is up. Last week I mustered up all the courage I had and decided to tell him but before I saw him I went to dinner with my roommate who is a close mutual friend of both my me and my boyfriend. he told me the story of a "skanky" girl his friend lived with who had herpes. He whispered only the word herpes, positively dripping with disgust and it took away all of my courage. The following few days it was like the universe was trying to scare me out of telling him, I was hearing herpes jokes everywhere especially from my unsuspecting friends but also on T.V. I know that I have to tell him but when I try to think of what I will say I begin to cry uncontrollably. I'm scared to be an embarrassment or a burden to him, even if he’s okay with it all I can think about is how relieved he will be when we break up. I know that the tone of the message that you send when you have the talk with someone is really important but I just cannot get myself to a place that I think would convey the type of message that I would like to send. And I feel so terrible that I have put him at risk, I just don't know what to do with myself.