Tracy3

Ah I wanted to change one thing - It sounded pretty crappy of me to say, "I can sit here, like many of you..." I didn't articulate myself well. What I meant is that I do find myself sitting here thinking of how this person ruined my life.... blah blah blah. But I'm choosing to change my ways and start focusing on what I can do next.

I had broken off a 7 years relationship where 5 of those years there was no intimacy. So naturally I wanted to get out and explore dating and sex. I had a friend in my school program and we slowly hit it off. I started seeing him away from my school and we started to get intimate. I asked before we had sex if he has been tested. He stated yes and that he was clean. I trusted what he said. I also wasn't on birth control at the time so we used a condom, while having sex he took it off and I let him because I didn't think of contracting an std. Long story short I had a horrible outbreak, went to the doctors to be tested and 5 days later was devastated by the news of my short lived adventure. What really sucked is that I saw his suppressive medicine for herpes before having sex but didn't know and didn't google what the medicine was. What a _____ (fill in the blank). I've filled it with sympathetic words and words to express my anger and hurt. Not sure what stage of grief I'm in because it fluctuates from time to time. However I have disclosed to partners and the feeling of integrity I have from being responsible, showing respect, and love to others trumps the rejection any day. I can sit here, just like many of you, and write a list of how this one person's actions and lack of respect for my life has effected me. However I'd rather spend my time figuring out what's next. What can I make of this? What can I do to help my friends who are dating to avoid careless people like this. Bottom line is I've been striving to be transparent and vulnerable to what life has offered me and what my life can be like. I wish you all the best and I'm glad to be apart of a community that is supportive of living for opportunities.