Bulagal
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Posts posted by Bulagal
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Hi Simplyme
I feel ya sister - I recently disclosed to a man I met about 5 weeks ago. I wasn't prepared for his questions- and more than that- I wasn't prepared for his rejection. Herpes has been such a non issue for me for so long ( have had it almost 30 years)
That I simply wasn't expecting an educated & intelligent man to react this way. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he and I would be together if I didn't have H. Our connection is amazing- but I guess it's not enough..
Now I am petrified of having to have "the talk" with a new man. This forum and the podcasts have been a HUGE help for me in putting it all in proper perspective. I know that it's not me being rejected- and I know that I am an amazing woman with so much to offer the right man.... So what I have an annoying skin condition!!!!!
Hang in there- the right- accepting- man is out there for both of us!
Hugs
Terri
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Thank you Ladies-
This site has been such a blessing.
And yes- he likely isn't the right partner for me...
I saw something the other day that read
"This- Or something better is now manifesting in my life"
Just about the time I was feeling totally rejected!
So I hang in there!
Much Love
Terri
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Update..... he has decided that he can not deal with it....he feels that he would always be worried about getting it in spite of the statistics-and that we wouldn't be able to really "let go" during sex as a result.
OK I am crushed...but I will be OK..I know that there is a reason this happened-
but now I am scared to death to disclose again. Recently an old friend from school days has asked me out...and I want to go out with him-but the fear of disclosing and being rejected again is sooo frightening.....
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Thank you for the support and for the links to positive success stories. This site is awesome and I agree with you Dancer- he can benefit from the knowledge and info on this site as well so I will provide him the link.
I also think that if we DO get through this- the relationship has the potential to be very strong.
He's still hanging around - we spent Thanksgiving together with my friends- and then he spent the night with me for the first time- no sex though... Just holding touching and cuddling - which was great. I am finding that getting to know someone without having a sexual relationship quickly is not only different for me- but that I am really enjoying it. Touching and being touched without rushing into sex has made the connection almost electric!
I was diagnosed years ago by symptoms and never had any blood tests- so I went to the DR Wednesday and had the tests. I assume I have HSV2 only- but next week will know definitively -
In the meantime our bond becomes stronger and I am hopeful that he will get past his fears and that we can become lovers as well as friends.
Thank you again for this amazing support.
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I'm new to this site- but not new to Herpes. I've had it for about 30 years now. I was married for 10 years and my husband was positive also- then in a relationship for close to a year and he had it too. Single again..... And I have met a wonderful man..... And of course told him.... It was our 3rd date- after some intense kissing but clearly before any further intimacy.....
I was not ready for the rejection- nor was I ready to answer all of his questions .... Herpes had become such a non issue for me the past 12 years....... I simply was not prepared. This was 3 weeks ago. At first he said that he did not want to risk his health and that he needed to move on. As much as this hurt me- I understood and respected his decision. The problem is that he has NOT moved on. In the 3 weeks he has continued to call and e mail- and we have continued to see each other a couple times a week. Clearly he is confused- and has feelings for me. I have provided him info that I should have had at the time of disclosure-better late than never. He has done extensive research and talked to several friends- even a few that he found out are also positive.....he commented that he had no idea how common it was.....
I believe that both of our feelings are becoming stronger each time we see each other. I feel without a shadow of a doubt that we would be together if not for this problem.
I don't know what to do - and I guess I just wonder if anyone has been through something similar and had a partner decide that the connection was stronger than the herpes- and decided to pursue the relationship? I know that I really care for this man- and that I am opening myself up to heartbreak.... But that there is also a chance that we could continue?
I am confused as well..... One minute I want to tell him he needs to make a decision before the feelings get any stronger- and the next minute I think that I should just enjoy the time we have together and let it unfold the way that it will.....
It's just so difficult as I can feel his confusion .....
Thanks for having this amazing site - for listening- and for providing much needed support.....
Successful herpes disclosure- THANKS TO THIS SITE!!!!!!
in Herpes talk success stories
Posted
First of all- I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to Adriel and everyone on this site. I have become extremely educated on my condition in the past month or so-even tho I have had it for almost 30 years.
After my disastrous disclosure 5 weeks ago-(which included my delivery) and that guy waffling back and forth and not truly being able to accept me-I have made my 2nd disclosure in 12 years…and this time it was a POSITIVE experience-again thanks to the guidance and info on this wonderful site. But this time I told him like it was no big deal-cuz after all-it really isn’t a big deal in my life anymore. Back from a really fun evening out with friends-I decided to get it out of the way sooner rather than later-(3rd date) we were on the couch kissing-and even tho I knew I wasn’t ready to go any further-I wanted to disclose NOW!! So I told him that I have this “annoying skin condition” that I’ve had for 28 years – and once in awhile it flares up. I said “you know how people get cold sores on the lips? Well I get them down below too-haven’t had one in nearly 5 years-but you still need to know-it’s herpes” and he looked at me and said “OK what do I need to know and what do I need to do?” So I casually rattled off the statistics which I had memorized by now! And he commented that he had a few friends that have it-but that he’s never dated anyone with it….then he said “Can I kiss you again now?” 100% OPPOSITE reaction than from the 1st guy –who made me feel like I had cooties-and even referred to it as Leprosy!!! “Don’t feel like you have Leprosy” in one conversation- UMM I DON’T but it’s obvious that YOU DO!!!!
We went out again the next day-and we have a date tonight. I was so PETRIFIED at first of the thought of disclosing again – but with the support and guidance I found on this site- I am overjoyed to say that it went well-and the next time (should there be one!!) will be even easier.
Much Love
Terri