1auren

Thanks so much for the replies... I have a pretty high self esteem and I've taken to the diagnosis fairly well, I don't dwell on it much. Waiting for the phone call to confirm was the worst week of my life, but as soon as I knew a weight was lifted. I just have been talking to someone and I feel as though it's unfair to get so emotionally close without telling them. I'm going to tell them today because it's not fair to myself to keep something inside for fear of how someone else will react-- I am the way I am and if I need to conceal it out of fear, then I shouldn't be "talking" to this person anyway. I guess it's less self hatred and more guilt, because I'm going to be honest and say that before I was diagnosed, if someone got really close to me only to admit they had herpes, I'd probably be really bummed out. I guess that's why it's a blessing in disguise though, it makes you question the old things you held to be true. Thanks for taking the time to reply to me :)

The herpes diagnosis hasn't made me hate myself or anything. But I feel like a fraud or a liar, like a bad person, when I flirt with people or entertain their interest. I've had a lot of bad experiences with unkind men and I'm really scared of disclosing to someone and having him hate me for "leading him on" or trying to trap him emotionally. On one hand I obviously want to put off disclosing for as long as possible, and lack of sexual contact doesn't bother me, I would never expose someone without them knowing all of the facts. But on the other hand developing feelings for someone and then realizing that I have to tell them something that may very well make them hate me for misleading them is so scary. I almost feel like I should make my facebook banner I HAVE HERPES, lol, just to avoid the snafu. Just wondering how people deal with these feelings of being undeserving of someone's attention.