ekaterina92

@mr_hopp Hi Adrial, Thank you very much for your words of encouragement. Your forum is truy wonderful, thank you so much for everything you do. The results for the swab test came back negative yesterday. Much to my surprise! I have taken 6 blood tests and 5 swabs so far (in more than a year). Everything negative. Could it be the aloe vera? It is strange because it's like liquid soap. It's extremely liquid. I could have washed myself with it. Nothing to do with thick cream or else. I really think the water from the shower would have washed it off. And I remember the nurse told me "there is some pus, can I use a needle to pop it open"? That minute I was sure that this time I would receive a positive result. Especially because I have vaginal tingling at the same time as an anal fissure. Am I just being unlucky? Do you think I should do further testing? I understand testing can be flawed but 5 swabs tests??? Yesterday I saw a little patch of flacky skin on my boyfriend's penis. Not itchy, not painful at all. May just be some kind of dryness. But I went into panic mode. My boyfriend couldn't care less. He even said "I really don't care if I have it". I would love to have a 1:1 session with you one I test positive 🙂 Thank you once again

@mr_hopp Thank you so much. I needed to hear this. Today I'm in a dark place but tomorrow is another day. I tried putting aloe vera on the sore this morning and then showered it. In 2 seconds, without me even touching the area, the gel was gone. It's extremely liquid, like liquid soap. But yes I will be more careful next time, you are right. Thank you for what you are saying about my boyfriend. He's the most wonderful man I've ever met. I've always been honest with him. But for some reason, I've put him on this pedestal where I'm the bad girl and he's the pure/good man. And I feel selfish. Like "If you want to be with me you have no choice but accept the risk". That's obviously not what I said but that's how I've internalized it. Now everytime we have sex I silently pray that he doesn't get it. Somehow I feel like I doesn't deserve to be with someone who doesn't share this condition. That he would be better off with someone who is HSV free. How long did it take you to reach full acceptance? I will let you know about the results. I have no doubt they will come back positive. And in a way it's good because I will know. Finally Big hug!

Hi everyone, Hi Adrial, Just wanted to give you an update. After 4 months of being off the antivirals, I took a nother blood test...negative. I guess I'm one of the unlucky people who don't develop antibodies. On Sunday, I started noticing a fissure which looks like an anal fissure. I'm sure it's a herpes symptom. I had it swabbed on Monday and I'll receive the results next week. Showed it to my GP and he gave me treatment for an anl fissure. I did something foolish though: on Sunday night, I put aloe vera gel on it, to alleviate the pain. It's not a thick cream, it's actually very light and if I try to put it on my hand and then put my hand under water for 2 seconds, then it's completely gone. BUT on Monday, before going to the lab, I took a shower that I assume that there would be no trace of aloe vera. Do you think it could influence the results? Anyway, I'll let you know the results. I'm very, very depressed. Lots of shame and anger. I've been thinking about leaving my boyfriend. I love him so much and he loves me too. We're great together. But I can't expose him to this. He knows and accepts it but the guilt is too strong. I would never forgive myself. He deserves another woman who will not potentially harm him. Sometimes I hope I'm going to die soon.

Thank you so much. It surely helps. Could you please tell me what menopause sores look like?

Hi Montereypop, Thank you for your insights. Well, it's not really good news...But I understand. My ex partner has spoken to many doctors. All of them say that if I repeatedly test negative then I am negative. And he's also tested once positive and twice negative. Bad luck, again. HIs GP told him "you're immunocompromised so if you had herpes you would see it everyday and you would even have had a stroke". In the end, there's no one we can really trust. I'm sad to hear that after 5 years you still have outbreaks every month. How do you deal with them? Are you still taking the antivirals? Dealing with symptoms every day is a constant reminder of having contracted it. How long off the antivirals should I be before I test again? And if the tests come back negative again (blood + pcr) what should I think? Is it possible to never develop antibodies? Thank you for your precious help

Hi Adrial, Thank you very much for your reply. It is indeed a tough situation. One I never expected would happen to me. Like all of us I guess. So many things don't match and at the same time this virus is so tricky. The only sure way for me to have a proper diagnosis would be to take the Western Blot but I live in France so it's impossible. I think I'm being very unlucky here. Atypical sores, negative tests, negative asymptomatic immunodepressed ex partner, antivirals not working for me. I have seen many many doctors, all of whom tell me it's not HSV or they don't know. One dermatologist even showed me pictures from the internet and told me "this is what HSV looks like". I'm convinced that most doctors don't know anything about HSV. Or very little. I'm struggling with feelings of intense guilt. After my divorce, I met this man who pursued me for months. He made me feel special. But I said no to him repeatedly because I knew we were not meant for each other. One day, I said "ok but we don't have intercourse or anything.". Yet that's how I got herpes. 3 weeks earlier I had met the love of my live, not knowing he would become the love of my life. I thought he was nice but I was not attracted to him in anyway. He reached out to me a few months later and I suddenly realized I liked him a lot. But I had to disclose this time. And we've been in love ever since. Since then I've been feeling that I have cheated on him (though we were not together) and beating myself up because I didn't love the man who gave me herpes. I just followed my instincts. I usually don't sleep around at all, have only had 3 men if my life. And yet I feel like I'm being punished for this one "encounter". In the end, the ex partner and I are still friends and he's been extremely supportive. He considers himself negative and has unprotected sex with women (after testing for regular stis). With my boyfriend well, this is hard. We do use protection but since I'm having constant symptoms it's hard for me to know when I'm not shedding. Having sex with him is wonderful but I don't want to pass it on to him. He told me he's not afraid but knowing what I'm experiencing I really don't want him to experience this. I have even thought about leaving him but I can't. He's the most wonderful man I know.

Hi Montereypop, Thank you so much for your reply and the explanations. I know in my heart that I have HSV but so many things don't match: ex partner immunocompromised and asymptomatic, tests are negative, antiviral doesn't work on me... I'm really losing my head. The only visible signs I've had are small, papercut lesions on both my labias minoras. I've never had the typical blisters. They're almost invisble to the naked eye. And yet the symptoms I have are unbearable and seem to worsen with time. I actually thought that it would get better with time. Can I expect some kind of improvement? Yes I will follow your advice and get tested again in a few month's time without taking the antiviral. I was taking it on and off to protect my boyfriend and it's hard for me to imagine not being able to have sex with him due to the constant tingling and burning. I don't know how to manage that. Any ideas about how I can deal with the constant prodome-like symptoms? I try to remain positive but it's hard. I don't even want to be around people anymore while I usually love socializing. Do you have a positive outlook to share? Thank you

Hi everybody, I'm a 45 yo female from France. I'm writing because i still haven't received a proper diagnosis (it's been a year) and it's making me very depressed. I still don't know if I have HSV or not. Here are the facts: -November 2022 : "encounter" with a partner. No penetration nor oral sex. But he rubbed himself against my genitals. - 12 days later : a pus-filled pimple appeared. It lasted 5 days (scabbing including). The next day, I felt UTI symptoms, a lesion appeared on my inner labia minora and I had intense pain/burning in the whole area + inside rectum. Lasted approx 1 month. Doctor couldn't confim it was HSV. But I was sure I had herpes. I was put on valaciclovir which didn't seem to help. I actually didn't notice any difference. Got tested (blood test) but I know it was too soon. Negative. -Then I had no symptoms until last August. I then began to have burning with no visible signs. Got tested for all STIs, did bacterial swabbing + ultrasounds. Nothing. The burning left on its own. -Beginning of September : the lesion reappeared on my inner labia. Exact same spot. It looked more like a red pimple but it tingled and it was tender. Took valaciclovir for 4 days then got it swabbed (PCR) + blood test. Everything negative. -last October, the burning and tingling resumed. I was unable to pee when my bladder was full. I took valaciclovir for a month. Didn't help. Got the area swabbed again, this time with no visible lesions but with severe "prodome-like" symptoms. Negative. -Mid-November, the lesion reappeared while I was on valaciclovir (took it one month). Showed it to another obgyn who said it looks like herpes. As strange as it may seem I was actually relieved. But the PCR came back negative. -Last week, I did another blood test + PCR. Everything negative. But I feel intense pain in my vulva, even after the lesion has healed. It's burning and tingling and I'm helpless. I even feel it at night. It's constant and since October I may have had 2 days without symptoms. In all, I have seen multiple doctors in a year and taken multiple tests. I have had 6 blood tests + 4 PCRs. I have never tested positive. Apart from that one time when I took valaciclovir for a month, I have never taken it constantly, just on and off. 10 days at the first outbreak then 5 days every 2 weeks each time I was seeing my boyfriend. Ex partner whom I suspect gave it to me has never had any symptoms. He's also immunocompromised. When I told him about it, he took a blood test which came back positive for HSV1 and HSV2. I was devastated; But he retested twice later and received a negative diagnosis. This is killing me. It's got to the point where I'm actually hoping for a positive test result. Which sounds crazy right? Doctors don't know what I have. I have two MRIs scheduled. I'm very, very depressed. According to your knowledge of the virus, do you think it's likely I have HSV or not? I know you're not doctors but believe me you know more than some doctors. I need your help, please Thank you Laura