A little lost

It's been less than 24 hours since I realized my symptoms are likely HSV-2. A clinic basically confirmed my fears and I'm expecting to get official confirmation from the test in a few days. I've learned a ton today, including that I'm not alone. But I'm wondering how unique and hopeless my story might be. I'm a 40-year-old male who didn't have penetrative sex until last month: on my birthday. I've only ever had any wet sexual experiences with one person. She and I decided to finally go all the way recently after over two decades of leaving something on the table to look forward to. I knew that she had slept with exactly one other guy many years ago. She also had told me that she was tested for STIs after the relationship ended because she lost trust in him. Now 10+ days after she and I were last together, I've learned that condoms don't prevent herpes and it's also not typically tested unless someone is showing symptoms. This is devastating on many levels. I waited my whole life to take this step with the right person and now I feel trapped. I wanted my first experience to be with her but always imagined that I could have other experiences with different people. Now I can't imagine anyone wanting to be with someone at my age who has limited sexual experience and something transmittable. If she and I ended up together, I wanted it to be for the right reasons, not because we would both feel damaged. Assuming that she was unaware of her status, she'll feel horrible for transmitting it. The beauty of our relationship was our level of trust. We felt safe with one another and didn't have to worry about any risky behavior. My blind faith in her and my naivete regarding STIs backfired immediately. I never would have imagined that with a condom, birth control, and 20+ years of history we would have anything to worry about. This may drive a wedge between us. If she never had any symptoms, she may doubt that I contracted the infection from her. I'm under the impression that a blood test will reveal antibodies proving that she is also positive and all but guaranteeing that she had it before me. But this isn't a good outcome. I wish that she were negative and that I had contracted this some other way but that's apparently not possible. It sucks that we're both going to have to live with this forever whether she's symptomatic or not. And at this stage of grief, I can't help but question everything I thought I knew about her and her sexual past. I know there are many things for me to be grateful for and that other people's stories are "worse". I'm alive, healthy, and probably still have a person in my life who loves me. But my own identity has been fractured in a way that I didn't even realize was possible and I have less hope for the future.