Thank you @Isleguy & @mr_hopp for your insight and advice. I’m seeing him on Monday for a group hangout to help decrease my anxiety on the matter while still spending Time with him to get a better sense for what I want to ultimately do. To be completely honest with where I’m at right now, I have rejected myself already and said I wanted to save myself the stress and not venture into intimate territory period to protect myself against possible rejection. It might not be the most productive route as I’m avoiding this conversation I’ll ultimately have to have the rest of my life and this could be an opportunity to practice. However, my ego is so fragile after past rejections I fear slipping into depression afterwards and am attempting to preserve myself with avoidance. There will be drinks involved at this hang out so it doesn’t feel like the best opportunity to disclose even after the hang out happens as he/we may not be in the best mindset. That being said, if he asks to hang out again after this time, would I disclose via text or in person (in person feels like the projected response). And in that case do I tell him at the beginning of our hang out or middle or end (not quite sure or knowing what will be the trajectory of the encounter). And then if he rejects me I guess I would just leave after telling him.
so a lot of thoughts I’ve processed which was why my response was to just forget it all to save myself the embarrassment. But part of me Knows I won’t be able to grow if I don’t practice. But do I want to wait to talk to someone about this that doesn’t feel rushed and that I’m more into? So I’m still in limbo.
Thank you again for your help.