Lividlycrushed_77

Well damn, I didn't expect that. It makes so much sense, and it's so simple. That's been a big problem of mine for as long as I can remember. Coming to this forum for help was the best thing I've done in a long time... Thanks :)

You're absolutely right. On a positive not so positive note, I'm having my second OB already, but due to extreme stress and probably thracked out hormones. So far it has been insanely livable, much unlike that first devastating, hellish and firey experience. I could not even walk, and never had the courage to look. So in a way it seems like my life isn't completely over. I've taken a lot of time to myself, to just be alone. I haven't been able to eat or talk to people, nor do I want to. I have disclosed to select people, (friends or family) none of which have judged me thus far. I'm just going to take my time on this one. I still can't look in the mirror and am devastated, but getting better already.. I know stress is a huge factor, and for now a factor that's completely out of my control.. I know that in the future, I will have control over it. Do you have any tips for not loosing your cool and keeping calm when when in tough situations? That's a big weakness for me as, I loose my "cool" weekly and it's a personality trait that's going to have to go if I must live with this virus..

It has been a rough 2-3 weeks. I have no idea what just happened. I went to the doctor for irritation and she said it was probably herpes; At this point I was shocked, but still mustered up the courage to ask if I was pregnant, as I'd been feeling nauseous, tired etc. and she said I wasn't. I couldn't wait three days for confirmation to call up my then boyfriend, and tell him he had given me herpes. I already knew the results. I had suspected he wasn't over his ex yet and the week before I found evidence that he may have cheated on me, though he says he didn't. Three days later they called back with the test results and Wallah, HSV2. Awesome. That's enough to process already. They kept calling, and a game of phone tag hatched. I was worried. Finally when the doctor got ahold of me, she told me that my charts said I was pregnant, but she didn't remember talking to me about it. I took an at home pregnancy test that night that had been out in my car for a couple weeks. It was negative, I slept well that night, I remember because it was the only night I've slept well since all of this started. I took the day off work early to get retested and bam, I was pregnant. The HIV test was negative though. It was pretty much a miracle I was pregnant as I took the pill and took Plan B when I had unprotected sex. I called my now ex and told him. I had no idea what to do about my ex situation, he had given me herpes but he was apologetic and asymptomatic.. I was so angry even though all if this was equally my fault, but now I was pregnant. The stress of my life made me want to get away. My ex lives three hours away, so I drove down so we could talk about everything, let's just say I got a speeding ticket. We had trouble communicating and I was a wreck, all I wanted him to do was hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay. He just said things like, " I don't know why you want to have my baby." His ex wrote me and essentially told me to get an abortion. I found it funny that she was one of the first if not only person he told. It kind of says it all really. Anyhow he told me I should be around people I'm more comfortable with, so I gave him back his key and left. I was 6-8 weeks pregnant, scared and all alone, I said some things to that man that I shouldn't have, but still they weren't entirely untrue. I miscarried a few days later; I don't know if it was because off all of the stress or the herpes. All I know is I got herpes, got pregnant and had a miscarriage in about 2 weeks. if I hadn't gotten pregnant I probably wouldn't have found out about the herpes. I was supposed to move in with this guy at the beginning of April. Him, his kids, his parents and I were supposed to go on "vacation," life changes so fast, doesn't it? It's been 5 days since I miscarried. I am depressed, miserable and not sure Ill ever feel better., I don't feel like this is real...