moonpie6

1. Yes. No he did not disclose. I'm almost certain he knew he had it. 2. 3 times 3. No condoms, very stupid on my part to believe he was STI free. Men will say anything to get out of wearing a condom for some reason. 4. I have no idea.

I mean... If it happens, it happens. He knows the risks involved. I do everything to prevent him from catching it. I take suppressive therapy daily, we use condoms every single time, we don't have sex when I have symptoms. I've tried really hard to keep him from catching it. If it still happens after all of this, I will still feel guilt. And I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it...

I think I'm starting to have an outbreak and I literally just had sex (with a condom).... I just noticed a small bump inside my vagina. I've had no previous warning symptoms with this one and the bump does not hurt. Still, I'm pretty sure it's an outbreak. After we had sex, I started feeling that tingly feeling and upon further investigation, yes. Small red bump. I'm so scared!! Of course my partner knows I have herpes, but.... How likely is it that I just gave it to him?? He wore a condom and kept his boxers on and I also had my underwear on, so little skin to skin contact was made....And herpes can't pass through a condom right?

I just wanted to say a little something to all of you who might need to hear it. I recently got into a discussion, an argument really, where someone was attacking a woman's choice to have multiple sexual partners. The other person said something like "Well, you can be a slut, you can throw out your morals, but don't cry when you get an STD." And someone else stepped in and said "Disease has nothing to do with morality." WOW! I needed to hear that. I needed to hear that this disease says NOTHING about who I am as I person. The next thing I wanted to share with you guys are some thought patterns and exercises that have helped me let go of feelings of anger and guilt. For a while, I was angry at the person who had infected me. "I asked them if they had anything and they said no...They KNEW they had herpes, they lied to me. They did this on purpose. How could they be so cruel?" These thoughts played over and over in my head. Those feelings brought me NO comfort in the end, only depression, feelings of defeat, and misery. I had to accept responsibility. I am responsible for protecting myself and I chose not to. I am not a victim. (Please note, I am referring to MY own experience becoming infected, which was through consensual sex. If you were a victim of rape, this is not intended to invalidate your experience or feelings.) After you have taken responsibility, now it's time to forgive yourself. You didn't mean to do this to yourself, you made a mistake. You are human. Try apologizing to yourself. Really. Say "I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I caused you pain, I'm sorry this happened." Allow yourself to feel love and compassion for yourself. And then, forgive yourself for being human and making mistakes. Please try to keep looking on the bright side. This will only affect you as much as you allow it to.. :) Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are disgusting or unworthy or love or sex. This is a minor skin condition that has been blown way out of proportion by our society. It helps to really look at it, put it in perspective. Finally a quote that has helped me: "Every winner has scars." - Herbert Casson