confusedtiger

So last March 27th I got the diagnosis that I had herpes simplex type 2. When I found out this news I felt like my world had stopped and that everything that I had planned for myself had been destroyed. And I think that what upset me most was that not only did I have an illness that would be with me for the rest of my life, but I got it from a man who said he loved me, but was in fact abusing me. And that's something I have been trying to learn not to beat myself up over, I keep telling myself if I had left him sooner then maybe I wouldn't be in the situation. Over the last course of the year I have figured out how to love myself again, and be comfortable with myself again, which I swear when I talk to the people ive told because i trust them they look at me like they don't understand. I know they're trying to so that they can support me, but the truth is that I don't think that they get it. I have been fortunate enough in the last few months to meet the man who is good to me, and who I have been able to tell about my diagnosis and he still wants to be with me. I signed up for the forum the night that I found out about my diagnosis, but I haven't posted anything because I've been coming to terms with it myself. I have a lot of questions about how the symptoms are, and I don't want to sound stupid. Since I am still figuring out the symptoms, I was wondering if anybody could give me some feedback. I noticed that the first 2 weeks of the first outbreak were the most excruciating pain that I have ever experienced. it got to a point where I couldn't walk, or wear underwear, or even sleep properly due to having my lymph nodes so swollen in my groin area. Since then I have to say that I have not experienced that much pain for which I am very grateful. But I still get confused by how to figure out if I am about to have an outbreak. I was not having my lymph nodes swelling the last few months, but the other night my lymph node started swelling again and I get very itchy in my genital area which I'm wondering if that is a sign? also, last month I had an outbreak and randomly one evening my leg gave out on me and I didn't experience any pain it just collapsed under me, has anyone ever experienced that? Also, if you're having an outbreak is sex safe with a condom? How safe is oral sex with genital herpes? These are just some of my queations. I really hope that these questions don't sound silly I just have no idea what I'm dealing with, and the doctor has only given me so much information, & I have read quite a lot of other people's forums and have not been able to have these questions answered. If anyone can give me any advice I would greatly appreciate it. Also I would like to say that one of the things that I have been grateful for was finding this site as it has allowed me to know that I'm not alone.