misslost

Wait, wait, wait. SEE I am clearly confused. Now more so after reading a post My BLOOD test said HSV 1. But I have an outbreak on my genitals. Doesn't that mean HSV2? When he did the DNA test on the bump he just called it herpes. Here I am thinking I may have both. I am so lost and DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I think I will go read everything the ADMIN sent me right this second.

Hi All, New here, obviously. I found out a few days ago I have HSV2. I'm LIVID. I'm more livid, worried and unsure than anything. Let me explain why. My fiance? He could have stopped this. I never could have had it. Our baby wouldn't have been exposed. I tested clean for everything in September at my OBGYN's office ( I was pregnant), and again 2 years before after we got together we both were tested. I have been with no one since. Neither had he ( work together, sleep together, go EVERYWHERE together. So I'm positive). In October we had been fighting. We agreed to take a break and work on our relationship. We were living together again shortly after. I asked my fiance "if he had been with anyone, if he had to tell me, he could get a free pass because I needed to know to protect our baby, and that condoms weren't a sure thing if he did" He insisted all this time he had not. I asked my doctor for an STD test because I suspected on 2 days he was unaccounted for he was with someone else ( from Craigslist no less) My results didn't get put into my file. Just that I needed some shot to stop an out break? I told him I had no herpes, he looks at the form I filled out when I came in, says " Ok . Oops!" and that was that. Which leads me to a few days ago. I was having symptoms of an infection after I had our baby girl. My doctor and I agreed to retest me for STD's because it could have taken a while for something to show up " incubation" or whatever. I get hit with the biggest slap of my life. He says " You have herpes" and went on to explain it to me and that it was in the COMPUTER from December, not the paper file. All I heard was "HERPES" That's it. My brain shut down. I went to the car. My fiance FINALLY admits to sleeping with this girl. I wanted to kill him. He tells me the whole thing. I'm dying inside, scared to DEATH for my daughter. My GYN checked while I was there and saw one little tiny bump. He tells me I'm having my first outbreak but he's intrigued as I have the flu symptoms, etc. But says normally the first is very painful and raging? I just had the one little bump. As if this isn't bad enough. I get a phone call saying I also have "Tric" ( an std PARASITE) I have never felt so dirty in my life. NEVER. Fiance says " She smelled...should have known" WELL NO KIDDING. So much for making me feel any better at that moment. Anyways. I called the girl. To tell her. She basically knows and doesn't care. She knew about me before, and didn't care then either. He is obviously disgusted with himself, remorseful, guilty. But also seems like it hasn't hit him... Me on the other hand? I'm ashamed, I feel dirty. I'm scared. I'm angry my baby girl was exposed needlessly. I'm afraid my children got it from the toilet seat after me ( is this possible?) I'm washing all of our clothes separately. I feel like I lost my normalcy. I feel like I'm too soiled to touch my kids. I'm ticked I can't bath with my baby, or kiss my children. I feel like they're losing a piece of their Mommy because I'm mentally exhausted and messed up. I feel like I lost what my fiance and I had. We were doing better than ever. We were PERFECT. I'm confused. I have NO idea what this all means, the internet has conflicting information. I'm confused about what this means for our sex life. This can't be me, can it? I have never even had a cold sore. I've never had anything down there. I actually looked yesterday...that ONE little tiny bump and a bit of red is what is taking over my brain? Changing my life? But things I HAVE learned in a few days? Herpes has too much negative stigma attached to it. Now that I have it, I told my fiance I'm going to try and view it as " Contagious Sex Acne" Cause really, that's all it is. I learned to NEVER joke about things like this. I've made a herpes joke a time or two, it's really NOT funny to joke about ANYTHING that may affect someone. I've learned I'm going to HAVE to learn to love myself, and that I am not just someone with herpes. I will learn who the people worth keeping in my life are and I have learned my couple best friends, really ARE my best friends. I told them. I told them I was more scared about what they would think? Every morning since they've texted or messaged me to let me know they love me no matter what and ask how I am doing. Any advice? I feel so stupid...