Hello all,
So I got my test results three weeks ago but have pushed it under the rug because 1) I haven't been strong enough to deal with it yet 2) I moved cross-country for a new job the day after I got the news.
I'm feeling a little more settled now and starting to do some research. It's been especially difficult to grasp because I've never had an outbreak...though I suspect a mild UTI after my last partner might've been a clue. I honestly don't know who I got it from (I guess that's typical) because I hadn't been tested specifically for HSV in a few years, but I had always, always been adamant about using condoms until my last partner, who happened to be a nurse, so I figured he was trustworthy and knowledgeable and honest about his status. Well, he turned out to be dishonest in some other respects, so maybe he passed it along, maybe not. I know it can be spread even when using condoms correctly, but everyone I've been with since my last test claims they've tested negative.
Anyway, back to being asymptomatic--it definitely makes the whole thing feel bizarre and unreal, since I would never have known if I hadn't been such a public health nut (that's my line of work) and INSISTED on being tested, despite the Nurse Practitioner at Planned Parenthood ever so subtly hinting that, never having had symptoms, I didn't need to be tested. I wish I'd taken her advice.
Luckily, I have a wonderful ex who, when I broke the news, was a source of support and encouragement. Also, the nurse who gave me my results was AMAZING--I came in hysterical, and she looked me in the eyes and disclosed that she'd been positive for seven years. It helped, too, that she was gorgeous and confident, and said it had been almost inconsequential in her life. Still, I'm totally freaked and still wanting to avoid thinking about it.
I'm seeing a counselor because my sister recently died of cervical cancer, and when I told the counselor she made this comment about it being a horrible disease, causing babies to be blind and whatnot...totally misinformed and made me wonder if I should find a different counselor or take the time to educate her. The internet is terrible and full of stigmatizing b.s. I am doing health education and in my training the supervisor (a sex ed teacher) called it a "serious" disease and gave some misinformation--then claimed it was because we didn't want to encourage adolescents to take it lightly. I argued back (probably blowing my cover) that we need to be conscious about de-stigmatizing it.
Given my background in public health, there is definitely the urge to go public and be an advocate for myself. I worked with HIV/AIDS patients last year and already feel strongly about breaking down misconceptions and using person-first language. Anyway, that's my story. Thank you for existing, herpes community.
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