al123

I'm new to this site so this is my first post…not really sure how it all works but just looking for some support. I was diagnosed in 2011 and have never had another outbreak since my first. When I found out I told myself I'd never be able to tell anyone about it in fear of rejection for something I could never change about myself. For a while I just didn't get close to anyone so I wouldn't have to have the conversation. I guess I just kept this mentality and since I have never had another outbreak maybe I didn't think it was as big of a deal (not sure what I was thinking anymore). This leads me to the huge mistake I made. I had been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half and never told him (I know, I don't know why I thought I shouldn't) until this past weekend. He kept saying how perfect I was and I had this huge wave of guilt come over me and I just told him. Of course it didn't go well…I guess I should have expected this but once again I don't know why I even kept it from him in the first place. To sum things up he has said he can't get over why I never told him and he doesn't know if he ever will be able to. I keep trying to search for answers for why I didn't but I can't come up with them and now I'm here. I hate myself for not telling him in the first place and my hearts broken that he doesn't want to be with me because I may have exposed him to herpes. I don't know what to do and I can't keep beating myself down. I want to love myself and have the courage and confidence to one day be able to talk to someone about it and open myself up to love again. I just want my life back...