wondering

Well you are an amazing people reader and definitely know how to cut through the bullshit! Yes, vulnerability is my biggest issue I would say. I don't like it at all and I have lived my life not letting myself be. And I know that is no way to live, I know in order to be free or to live and love, one has to be vulnerable. I can't....I am trying....I am scared. I have trouble trusting people that once I am vulnerable they will disappoint me or not surround me with big loving arms. Anyway, thanks Dancer...I am going through periods of good weeks and bad and this is definitely a bad one. ALways appreciate your posts....we will have to see how brave I get.

You know what? Forget it! Don't respond, I am throwing in the fucking white towel! I concede! Herpes has beat me! I cannot disclose this bullshit so I am not having sex and that's it. Sex will probably cause a damn outbreak anyway, so what's the point! I am young, attractive in good shape, smart and have fucking herpes and no one will see beyond my stupid virus and I am too fucking scared to tell a potential partner. This is ridiculous that we have to bear this damn burden of responsibility when we didn't do anything wrong to get this thing and even if we did, people have done worse and not gotten it...so yes, I am in self pity mode! And don't say, if he's the right guy, he wont' care...that's bullshit...I don't want this virus, who would?! So good for you, you found someone that accepts you and you are living happily ever after. Honestly, I couldn't be more happy (not being sarcastic...truly happy) and I envy and admire you that have disclosed. I just can't....I won't and I doubt I will ever have sex again. I was sexually abused as a child, just fucking starting to enjoy sex and bam!!! Herpes! What kind of damn sick joke is this? Don't respond, this is just too pathetic and honestly, I don't care anymore.

Don't give up....don't say its a mistake...that's a cop out. Be patient. Sometimes you just have to get the right person responding. Here is what I will say to you...I am in my 40s....think I have GHSV1....anyway, same age group, so maybe you can relate....Dancer is the site expert....but for now you have me. I would say deep breath. Great! You have no outbreaks! You are extremely lucky! Yes, it makes it difficult to know when you are shedding, but its hard for everyone to know they are shedding, sometimes you have no symptoms...so everyone on here is going through the same thing. Read the stuff on this site, people's stories, it will help. You will not be alone the rest of your life, unless you choose to be...lots of people on here have success stories and although now it is a shock to your ego and you are emotionally upset, time heals as they say and it will get better. Using condoms and taking antivirals and not having sex at the time of your outbreak reduces the risk a lot!!!!!!!!! You can have oral sex and vaginal sex, just disclose and take normal sex percautions, condoms and dental dam if you want. It's a rollercoaster wiht a diagnosis especially one that surprises you....be patient, I am on this site alot reading people's posts and it helps knowing other people are out there. I particularly like discussions from Dancer and Herry the Herp....you will have your favourites. Get educated and you will feel better. Good luck.

By the way, he is 15 years my senior, I am 40. How do you balance the responsibility factor? You can't never have sex, you try to be careful, but still someone could get it...then what? Sorry?!?!

Well, I was hoping to get everyone's opinion on this to help me make a decision. I am a person that tends to feel responsible for my decision plus everyone else's....so this potentially having or not having herpes, is not helping. Here's the scenario. 5 swab tests negative, 2 blood tests negative at 6 months. Still think I have it b/c have every other symptom but typical lesions. Anyway, let's abandon the argument of whether I have it or not. There is this guy at work that has been showing interest....lots of it the past little while. And I am interested....I don't think it will go anywhere serious, but I think he's a really great guy and he's older than me and I like that he's mature and got his shit together...excuse the language. Anyway, he's made passes, advances without actually asking me on a date. Well, anyway, we met for lunch as I was feeling a little sorry for myself, totally innocent, holding hands, he touched my back, etc. He makes me feel desired and good about myself. So I know he wants to move things further, and I'm petrified for him to touch me. I still don't know I have anything, no medical evidence, no doctor says I have it, but you know when you just know? Anyway, Dancer told me to disclose about that I've tested negative but something is going on and I don't know what it is...ok...fine....but my question is what if he does get something when we are intimate? It's heading that way and I am slamming on the breaks not because I don't want to have sex with him....I sooooo do but because this guy is from my work and if he gets it, even though I've done everything humanly possible to prove I have it....I just don't know how someone would feel? How would you feel, if someone went to so much trouble...honestly I've spent 6 months of my life trying to get a positive diagnosis and can't for whatever reason.....so what would you do: 1) If someone didn't disclose anything (technically I've come up negative at 6 months so I shouldn't have to) and you still got HSV1? (I think I have GHSV1) 2) If I did disclose and then there's a guy at work running around that I may have something and he totally dumps me! Ah! Dancer, be patient, I know I asked you this before, but thought maybe some men could chime in to see how they would feel? I am having a hard time wiht the responsibility factor and yes, of course I would use condoms and I am on antivirals anyway, just in case, lysiene, going to naturalpath...honestly, I can't do more. And I probably won't get a positive diagnosis for a long time so I just keep not having sex forever? It could be another 6 months before I test positive. I just feel so stuck but so turned on by this guy. I am trying to go slow but petrified I won't disclose and will cave and have sex. HELP! ADVICE PLEASE!

Question......it seems like some people on here have HPV in the form of genital warts or other kinds and herpes..... How does it work with HPV, is it the same as herpes, if you have oral sex with someone who has a genital form, you can get it in your mouth too? Does HPV and Herpes work the same way in terms of transmission?

Thanks....maybe I will just take it slow for now and take lots of cold showers. Do they work?!

I know....I know.....AHHHHH! I hate this! I am still up in the air about it....is it worth it getting herpes/hpv...no....not for this guy. I guess I have some thinking to do. But how long do I go? I may never know what this is! !!!1

OK....so I've been talking to him on and off and I think he wants to have sex first date.....and I can't tell you....I know its terrible, but I've been without for 6 months because of this fiasco of which I am still negative! And I want to sooooo bad. But I am still scared I have herpes and am just taking longer to convert. So, I guess I feel guilty that I'm putting this guy in harm's way even though I've done everything possible to get a diagnosis. If I take antivirals and use condoms and have sex, the chances are 1% for HSV1, right?!?!? AHHHHHHH! Please help! I am dying to have sex but I don't know what to disclose to this guy without sounding ridiculous. Dancer, please some advice! DO I have to disclose if I've come back negative for everything up to 2 weeks ago at 6 months post exposure?! What do I say if he gets it....ah sorry!

Thanks Dancer. I have a lot of appointments lined up and I hope someone gets to the bottom of it. I am getting quite depressed.....the not knowing is insane......and the not knowing if its contagious is worse. I have a date next week with this guy that's been really interested for a while, but I have been keeping him at bay. But I just feel so lonely and in need of human companionship, I called him up today and asked him out for coffee next week....he happily agreed.....I am so nervous, I know he'll want to have sex eventually (maybe not the first date) and honestly with all my negative tests, no one would blame me if I gave him anything, but I am still petrified. What if I do have herpes and I give it to him despite all my negative tests. I don't know what to do and I feel like if I tell him I will just sound crazy. A kiss can't hurt, right?

Someone told me it could also be Enterovirus. That's what had happened to him and he had similar symptoms. I think only way to test for this is stool sample or lesion testing. This virus usually resolves itself. He had mouth and genital sores too. Anyway, not everything is herpes, you are right. I hope in this case, I don't have it. I am waiting for gyno appt my family doctor is totally ridiculous and at a total loss. How can he just give up? So annoying!!! I still think its herpes lol.....I think my body is having problems building antibodies (maybe I ahve an underlying condition I don't know about). But at least I can do more tests to rule out other things and I will see if I can do Western blot in another few weeks. Thanks Dancer!

Why would antivirals affect blood test results? Is it because the antivirals suppress the virus and therefore, there is no need for your body to start producing antibodies? If the answer to the question above is yes, then if I was still experiencing major symptoms while on Valtrex, I can assume that my body would then still produce antibodies will on the anti-virals and thus would still be detectible at 6 month mark despite taking Valtrex for a prolonged period. Has anyone out there been tested positive subsequent to 6 months after testing negative at 6 months? Many thanks for your input.

Has any female there experienced vaginal discharge changes upon first acquiring herpes infection? I just read on medhelp from Terri Warren that discharge will change to watery upon initial infection. I had clear, yellow, watery discharge for a few days on what I believe was my primary and got it again when I thought I was having my 2nd outbreak. Both times with lower pelvic pain. Anyone get this?

I will do the Western blot, because I think the ELISA blood test has up to 10% false negatives, correct? I think I will wait a few weeks Also, wouldn't constant symptoms for 6 months be considered one severe outbreak? I think I will try an infectious disease specialist if someone would refer me. It's difficult, I am in Canada, getting swabs and referrals are more challenging b/c wasting taxpayers money is a concern. You say 10 to 15 other things but what are they? Doctors aren't coming up with suggestions. I go in, explain my symptoms, they look at me, hummmmm write them down, they don't suggest any further tests that I can do or don't offer any further diseases or whatever it could be. What the heck is that? I got to go in there and start rhyming off things, is it this? is it that? They just look at me perplexed. Do you know not any of the doctors suggested a pap?!?!?! Why wouldn't they automatically do one, you would think my symptoms would warrant it. I am at a loss and tired of the game. Actually, I am going to see a naturalpath next. Sometimes they have access to tests that are outside of the standard here. Hopefully she will be more aggressive in determining what's going on with me. Either way, I think it is herpes but I am willing to accept another diagnosis if someone would just give me one!

I will get re-tested for STDs and do hormone levels!!!! :(